Sorry for not getting back to you sooner, however I've been busy with work and shit.
Originally posted by Greatest I am
You are strong on self responsibility, which I like. Have you accepted and experienced what you describe above?
To an extent yes, but not perfectly because I am a flawed human being.
On my third LSD trip, I spent the first several hours consumed by euphoria, a sense of connection with the world, open honesty with the people who were with me, and most importantly love for myself, other people, life in general, the emotional and physical sensations that make life worth living, and I felt completely uninterested and unpreoccupied with trying to project a specific image of myself to myself or other people. It felt, for lack of a better word, divine and beautiful, and it's the closest real life example I have to what I think Heaven would be like.
At a certain point however several hours into the experience, my mind got lost and confused, and I started to feel disconnected from everything, which lead into feelings of fear, confusion, shame, self-loathing, loneliness, etc. and all in all something hellish that I think exists on some level within every human being. At a certain point I realized that almost every action I make impacts other people, that every choice I make inflicts my will on the world, and I questioned what right I had to do that and whether or not I deserved to even exist.
In a conversation with my best friend however, I pulled myself out of that downward spiral with genuine human connection and got myself sorted out so to speak. I realized that if I applied that same logic of me not deserving to exist, then nobody deserves to exist, but if nobody existed the universe wouldn't have meaning, and if the universe had no purpose it wouldn't exist. That made me realize that it's love that allows us to turn our impacts on each other's lives into something positive and create a better world instead of just needlessly hurting each other over and over again.
Ultimately that experience lead me to take more personal responsibility for who I am as a person and the impact I have on other people. After experiencing the twisted emotional turmoil of insecurity and self-loathing that exists within all of us, I came to the conclusion that that is what motivates arrogance which in turn motivates all evil, and after realizing how every choice I make impacts the world I realized how unjustified arrogance is, so I committed myself to being more humble and self-loving (as opposed to arrogant and self-loathing), to avoid letting that suffering control me and spreading suffering to other people's lives. And after feeling love and connection on that level and realizing philosophically how truly transcendent it is and how it literally is the cornerstone of progress and good (not to mention how it pulled me out of the ****ed up part of that experience) I felt it worth committing myself to with everything I am.
Sometimes I struggle and fail, but for the most part I think I'm a better person than I was before that experience, and when I'm in that proper mindset of humility, self-love, and love for others I feel like the emotional pressure of that internal suffering has been lifted, and I feel a peace within myself that I didn't know before that experience.
Originally posted by Greatest I am
Where is heaven to you.
Well Heaven to me is a post-mortem spiritual plane we arrive at after sorting ourselves out and moving past our remaining flaws, where we experience deep emotional connection (ie. pure love) with God and every other being in Heaven, the final and eternal end to the struggle of being human so to speak. It would be somewhat similar to how I described the first part of my acid trip, but much more intense and profound.
That quote you provided does actually help me articulate my perspective though:
Originally posted by Greatest I am
Gnostic Christian Jesus said, "If those who attract you say, 'See, the Kingdom is in the sky,' then the birds of the sky will precede you.
If they say to you, 'It is under the earth,' then the fish of the sea will precede you.
Rather, the Kingdom of God is inside of you, and it is outside of you.
[Those who] become acquainted with [themselves] will find it; [and when you] become acquainted with yourselves, [you will understand that] it is you who are the sons of the living Father.
But if you will not know yourselves, you dwell in poverty and it is you who are that poverty."
After my first two LSD trips I came to the conclusion that connection is the most transcendent thing in the universe (manifesting on an emotional level as love, but also as knowledge, power, purpose, choice, and also being what scientific law is based upon etc.) and that connection is defined by a balance between individuality and conformity, as connection can only exist between things that are separate (individuality) but relate to each other in some way (conformity).
So on an emotional level that connection would be love, and when Jesus says the "Kingdom of God is inside of you, and it is outside of you" I take that to mean it is within you and within other people, and manifests through genuine human connection between people, which is what I believe the state of Heaven in the afterlife looks like, but also how aspects of Heaven can be manifested in this life, which is where individual and societal progress in our world as well as emotional fulfillment comes into play.
And when Jesus says to be acquainted with yourselves and that if you aren't you dwell in and spread poverty, I believe that the heart of good is self-awareness. On my 4th LSD trip I came to the conclusion that self-awareness is the ultimate truth since the one thing we can be 100% certain of is our own existence (which is why I think its no coincidence that God introduced himself to Moses as "I am that I am" a statement of self-awareness). Self-awareness is what allows us to embrace and appreciate our own existence, as well as keeping us from having a distorted view of ourselves that I consider the two sided coin of arrogance and shame that evil is rooted in, which ultimately leads us to self-love and humility, which leads to love for other people as well, and allows good to manifest through our connections with other people.
Thanks for reminding me of that quote though, which I had honestly forgotten about since I hadn’t seen it since before my LSD trips. Its statements like these that reinforce my faith in the divinity of Jesus, as well as the conviction that even if I’m wrong about the divinity of Jesus, he still remains more deserving of my respect than any other philosopher in human history.