Fortunately/Unfortunately

unfortunately the gold and diamonds were fake

fortunately the pawn shop owner wasn't smart enough to figure that out

unfortunately the pawn shop was just a front for the mob!

fortunately you sent a friend into the pawn shop to hawk fake goods to the mob.

unfortunately the fake goods used to belong to the mob guys mother

fortunately i was his father...

Unfortunatly just through sperm donation, they actually never met you.

fortunatly they didn't even care

unfortunately i don't care either

fortunately your cat does care

Unfortoonatlelay, I am your cat.

fortunately you're not wearing a hat

unfortunaley u r bald

fortunately you have boobs

unfortunately there are three of them

fortunately u have a surgery 2 remove the unwanted one

unfortunately they remove your kidney instead

Fortunaeatly, your kidney becomes the next big hollywood super star.

unfortunately your kidney becomes a b-movie star

fortunately they are the really good cheesy kind