-homer: bart if sometings too hard its not worth doin
-homer: (singing) shavin ma shoulders, shavin ma shoulders
- chief wiggum: dohnuts, i got doghnuts
-homer: so bart do u wanna get a BBQ
bart: can we burn evidence
homer we can all burn evidence in it
-homer:le grill, wat the hell is legrill
-homer: (singing) sppppeeennnnnnndddddd some dough at table five
ah ah ah ah table 5 table 5 ah ah ah ah table fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive, table 5
-shellbyvillian: we need to write springfield sucks so that when they look over into shelbyville theyll realize that they suck
Operator! Give me the number for 911!
I didn't do it, no one saw me do it, there's no way you can prove anything!
Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again...aye carumba!
Who's the black private dick that's a sex machine with all the chicks?
There's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.
Inside every hardened criminal beats the heart of a ten-year-old boy.
You know, I've done a lot of bad stuff through the years. I guess now I'm paying the price. But there's so many things I'll never get a chance to do: smoke a cigarette, use a fake ID, shave a swear word in my hair.
I think its ironic that for once dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gas
Bart: I am through with working. Working is for chumps.
Homer: Son, I'm proud of you! I was twice your age when I figured that out.
Why would anyone want to hurt me? I'm this century's Dennis the Menace!
Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.
What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it.
I can't stand to see you so upset, Lis, unless it's from a rubber spider down your dress - Hmm, that gives me an idea note for later: put rubber spider down Lisa's dress.
I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!
What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?
Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun.
If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.
Marge: I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends. All you have to do is be yourself.
Lisa: Be myself? I've been myself for eight years and it hasn't worked.
On Nelson: He's not like anybody I've ever met. He's like a riddle wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a vest.
I am the Lizard Queen!
Solitude never hurt anyone. Emily Dickinson lived alone, and she wrote some of the most beautiful poetry the world has ever known... then went crazy as a loon.
Relax? I can't relax! Nor can I yield, relent, or... Only two synonyms? Oh my God, I'm losing my perspicacity! Aaaaa!
[Lisa in goal for hockey team]
Lisa: Milhouse, knock him down if he's in your way! Jimbo, Jimbo, go for the face! Ralph Wiggum lost his shin guard! Hack the bone! Hack the bone!
Me fail English? That's unpossible.
Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!
Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me.
Eww, Daddy, this tastes like Gramma!
I bent my wookie.
The doctor said I wouldn't have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger outta there
Ralph: "Daddy, I'm scared. Too scared to even wet my pants."
Chief Wiggum: "Just relax and it'll come, son."
I heard your dad went into a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant
And, when the doctor said I didn't have worms any more, that was the happiest day of my life
I found a moonrock in my nose!
That's where I saw the Leprchaun. He tells me to burn things!
I'm going to enjoy devouring you, Bart Simpson. Yes ... I believe I'll start, as you've so often suggested, by eating your shorts!
I have caught word that a child is using his imagination and I've come to put a stop to it.
Order, order. Do you kids wanna be like the real UN or do you just wanna squabble and waste time?
That's two independent thought alarms in one day. Willie, the children are over-stimulated. Remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.
Children, I couldn't help monitoring you conversation. There's no mystery about Willie. Why, he simply disappeared. Now, let's have no more curiosity about this bizarre cover-up.
There's no justice like angry-mob justice.
Hello, Simpson. I'm riding the bus today because Mother hid my car keys to punish me for talking to a woman on the phone. She was right to do it.
I've always admired car owners and I hope to be one myself as soon as I finish paying off mother. She insists I pay her retroactively for the food I ate as a child.
That's why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them.
All right! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.
Hey, I don't need no advice from a pinball machine. I'll have you know, I wrote the book on love.
They think they're so high and mighty, just because they never got caught driving without pants.
People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn't for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine.
Moe: Say, Barn. Uh, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?
Barney: Oh ho, oh yeah. We all had a good laugh, Moe.
Moe: The results came back today.
Man, you go through life, you try to be nice to people, you struggle to resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what?
Call this an unfair generalization if you must, but old people are no good at everything.
Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I work, I work.
Yes, yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know.
Please do not offer my god a peanut
[Apu gets shot]
Ah! the searing kiss of hot lead; how I missed you! I mean, I think I'm dying.
I have been shot eight times this year, and as a result, I almost missed work.
Be careful when we capture him! We cannot claim the reward unless we have 51% of the carcass
[Bart and Lisa are reading a magazine at the Kwik-E-Mart]
Hey, hey, this is not a lending library. If you're not going to buy that thing put it down or I'll blow your heads off!
Silly customer, you cannot hurt a Twinkie!
Nickel off on expired baby food
Oh, man, what a day. It's no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls ... two, I suppose.
See ya in court, Simpson. Oh, and bring that evidence with ya, otherwise, I got no case and you'll go scot-free.
All right, you scrawny beanpoles: becoming a cop is not something that happens overnight. It takes one solid weekend of training to get that badge.
No jury in the world is going to convict a baby ... Maybe Texas.
You know, fingerprints are just like snowflakes. They're both very pretty.
Oh, sure. We'd all love some real friends, Marge. But what are the odds of that happening?
I hope this has taught you kids a lesson: kids never learn.
Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city! He is the cancer and I am the ... uh ... what cures cancer?
This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.
She didn't reckon with the awesome power of the Chief of Police! Now where did I put my badge?...Hey, that duck's got it!
Can't you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can't be policing the entire city!
You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done.
Just between us girls, he hasn't been this frisky in years!
Now lets all forget our troubles with a big bowl of strawberry ice cream!
You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head.
Well, that's odd ... I've just robbed a man of his livelihood, and yet I feel strangely empty. Tell you what, Smithers - have him beaten to a pulp.
I could crush him like an ant. But it would be too easy. No, revenge is a dish best served cold. I'll bide my time until ... Oh, what the hell. I'll just crush him like an ant.
What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?
Just give the great unwashed a pair of oversized breasts and a happy ending, and they'll 'oink' for more every time.
Mr. Burns: You're fired.
Marge: You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off of you.
Mr. Burns: You don't have to sue me to get my pants off.
Smithers, for attempting to kill me, I'm giving you a five percent pay cut!
I'm looking for something in an attack dog. One who likes the sweet gamey tang of human flesh. Hmmm, why here's the fellow ... Wiry, fast, firm, proud buttocks. Reminds me of me.
Mr. Burns: So, Smithers, what are you doing this weekend. Something gay, I expect?
Smithers: What?!!
Mr. Burns: You know, light and fancy free! Mothers, lock up your daughters! Smithers is on the town!
Smithers: Oh! Of course.
Ooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans!
This house has quite a long and colorful history. It was built on an ancient Indian burial ground, and was the setting of Satanic rituals, witch-burnings, and five John Denver Christmas specials.
Bad corpse! Stop ... scaring ... Smithers!
A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green blow... and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.
Look at them, Smithers. Goldbrickers.... Layabouts.... Slug-a-beds! Little do they realise their days of suckling at my teat are numbered.
Mr. Burns: This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
Smithers: You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
Mr. Burns: Nonsense! Dogs are idiots! Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what would you say?
Smithers: If you did it, sir?
[Stone flies through Mr. Burns' office window]
Look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.
Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.
Ah, Monday morning. Time to pay for your two days of debauchery, you hungover drones.
Ha-Ha.
We've been doing a lot of upper body work on Bart. Today let's pound his kidneys
[On the movie "Naked Lunch"]
I can think of at least two things wrong with that title!
Check it out, a freezer geezer!
In my dreams, I'm a viking!
Hey, that hurts. No wonder no one came to my birthday party.
Lisa: [reading] "Nuke the whales?" You don't really believe that, do you?
Nelson: I dunno. Gotta nuke something.
Re: Simpsons funiest quotes
Originally posted by ruby💃
What do you think are some of the funiest simpsons quotes?heres 1 of my favourites
"You give em all your credit card numbers, see, and if one of them is lucky they'll send you a prize!" Granpa Simpson 😄
Millhouse: So this is what it sounds like when doves cry.
Homer on the tabloid show "Rock Bottom" from episode 2F06, "Homer Bad Man":
Homer: Somebody had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she was sitting on [splice] her sweet [splice] can. [splice] -- so I grab her -- [splice] sweet can. [splice] Oh, just thinking about [splice] her [splice] can [splice] I just wish I had he --[splice] sweet [splice] sweet [splice] s-s-sweet [splice] can.
Jones: So, Mr. Simpson--you admit you grabbed her can. What do you have to say in your defense?
Homer: [looking lustful in a clearly-paused VCR shot]
Jones: Mr. Simpson, your silence will only incriminate you further.
[paused shot of Homer grows larger]
Jones: No, Mr. Simpson, don't take your anger out on me. Get back! Get back! Mist -- Mr. Simpson -- nooo!
Man: [quickly] Dramatization -- may not have happened.