pirate pets adoption agency

I'm shhhhure glad Ish never getsscchhh drunks andss shhhtupid like APG, ha ha...

Lookss at all the pretty colorssshhh...
**tries to grab at non-existent fireflies**
Ooh...
**falls over**

Ha.....Ush all thinks Iz Badg
*starts poiting at the crates as if they were people*
What did u bloogy say eh??? U wanna go me uh??
*starts fighting with a crate then slips and falls ova*

I'llsshh have you know... I'm not shhoo think as you drunk I am!

**falls over**
Whoa... Did I fall down?
... I didn't think so.
**starts laughing hysterically**

*gets up & looks at Chez*

Do I know u

*falls back ova and knocks feral rats cages ova*

Oh....Look at da pritty animalz 😄

*rats start mauling me*

Gaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh GET EM OFF AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

**watches APG fight off crazed animals and keeps on laughing hysterically**

My bet'shh on the rats, actually...

APG: Ur betting Jmph 😠
*throws dirty rat at chez*
Ha Take that

Hey, anybody wanna buy a half-dead, dirty, repulsive rat?

**silence**

Hmm, maybe I need to work on my sales pitch... 😄

**keeps drinking**

😆

**keeps drinking and drinking and drinking**

**suddenly realizes all the rum is gone**

Oh no... NO... NOOOO!!

And now I'm too drunk to climb out of this hole. Oh bugger...
**falls down**

😆
riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

APG: *gets up finally*

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

*forgets to take a breath*

Oh Bugger 🙁

*faints*

**looks up and tries to work out how to get out of hole with no rum in it, made harder by the fact I'm so drunk it looks like there are three holes now instead of just one 😑 **

😆
*still unconcouse*

Right, I'm SICK of being in this hole. I'm bustin' outta this joint. 😎

**pulls out pogo-stick**

Stand back, everybody... I've got a pogo-stick and I ain't afraid to use it.

A PoGo Stick 😑.....Its not even A limited edition 1 this time Chez ❌

😂
(Actually, it's a jet-powered neon-pink super-special tribal pogo-stick specially imported from the forests of the Amazon. Now stop interrupting! 😛 )

**gets on pogo-stick**
Watch out world, here I come...

*watches out*

**jumps on pogo-stick and bounces out of hole, keeps bouncing around**

I'm out! *bounce*
I'm free! *bounce*
I'm saved! *bounce*
I... don't know how to stop this thing! *bounce...*

*climbs out of hole easily*
Silly Chez when will she learn to do things the easy way ❌

**keeps bouncing around out-of-control**

I can't -- *bounce* -- stop this -- *bounce* -- stupid thing -- *bounce* -- where -- *bounce* -- in the heck -- *bounce* -- are the brakes -- *bounce* -- on this thing??? -- *bounce*
scared

**keeps bouncing around crazily on runaway pogostick**