*Camera goes to Magneto*
Magneto: *Is looking for Dr. Doom* Doom where are you I need you to clean some tables! Jesus Christ is he still in the bathroom?! *Walks to bathroom and sees Superman walk out* Excuse me, did you see Dr. Doom come out?
Superman: No, was he just in there?
Dr. Doom: Yeah he was...I know this might sound weird but he was sitting inside of the toilet.
Superman: You mean that wasn't one of those new high-tech Japanese toilets that clean your backside?
Magneto: No, why?
Superman: No reason! *quickly flies away*
Magneto: *Walks in bathroom and looks down the toilet* Great, he probably accidently flushed himself down the toilet like he did when he was trying to steal Aunt
May's omnipotent power
*As seen in # 355 of The Amazing Aunt May -- A biweekly series written by uQifg2WV...NUFF SAID!*
Magneto: Great now I've got to find someone else to be a waiter. (sees Darkseid) Do you want to fill in for Doctor Doom as waiter?
Darkseid: Are you kidding me?! I am the leader of Apokalips! Why would I want to be waiter?!
Magneto: You wanna be waiter or not?
Darkseid: ...How are the tips?
*Darkseid has put on the uniform and now Captain America is at the counter drinking*
Captain America: That was great. Could have used more ice though.
Darkseid: Excuse me?
Captain America: I said it could have used more i --
*Before Cap can finish his sentence he is blasted by Darkseid's Omega beams*
Magneto: Darkseid you can't disintegrate our customers!
Darkseid: Don't tell me what to do!
Magneto: Get back to work!
Darkseid: Ok.
*Thing walks up to the counter and asks for a drink*
Darkseid: Here's your damn drink.
Thing: *Finishes drinking it and starts walking away*
Darkseid: Where's my tip?!
Thing: Why should I give you a tip? You cussed at me!
Darkseid: Give me a tip or feel the wrath of my omega beams!
Thing: *Throws a penny at him*
Darkseid: How dare you! *Spits at Thing*
Thing: DUDE!!! SICK! *punches Darkseid, knocking him out almost instantly*
Darkseid: *Wakes up an hour later* Wha, what happened?
Magneto: I've been having to serve people by myself that's what happened you fat @*%$ and wash that crap off your face!
Darkseid: What crap?
Magneto: *Throws him a mirror*
Darkseid: *sees a mustache drawn onto his face* Why that little...*starts walking around the bar looking for Thing*
*Everyone in the bar jumps on Darkseid and starts slapping his ass*
Darkseid: Ow Ahh feel the wrath of my omega beams ahh that hurts so good Ow ahh *Blasts them all off with an omega beam* What is the meaning of this?!
Thor: Look on thy back
Darkseid: *Feels something on back then takes it off. It's a paper that says "slap my ass"* Thing I will destroy you!!!
Thing: *Is drunk again* Huh, what? *Passes out*
*camera goes to magneto*
Darkseid: *walks to Thing* wake up! I want you to be awake when I blow you to rubble with my omega beams you sick pervert!
Thing: *no response*
Darkseid: WAKE UP!
Thing: *still no response*
Darkseid: *starts smacking thing's face*
Martian Manhunter: This is serious I sense that he is having trouble breathing
Jean: Darkseid stop slapping him and let me check for a pulse!
(She can't feel a pulse because of Thing's rock-hard skin)
Jean: *uses her powers to see if he's awake or not* He's still alive but like Martian Manhunter said he's not breathing too well I have to perform CPR. J'onn read his mind to see if he starts regaining conscious while I do it.
Martian Manhunter: agrees
Jeans: *starts performing CPR*
Martian Manhunter: *is reading Thing's mind and sees a weird thought* Jean stop!!!
Jean: *is pushed back by a big long rock-hard object* Oh my god what is that thing?
Thing: wakes up and still in fantasy world starts kissing the closest person who is next to him, who just happens to be Darkseid.
Darkseid: *Punches him off* Oh that's it I'm so sending your ass to Hell you motha!
Thing: *realizes that he was kissing Darkseid* DUDE!!! SICK!
Darkseid: *blasts a huge omega beam at Thing*
Thing: Aw crap! *gets in a fetal position and the big long rock-hard object deflects the blast back at Darkseid*
Darkseid: This is gonna hurt *explodes*
Professor X: I think we can all learn a lesson from this
Jean: Yeah, don't get near Thing when he tells a lie, his nose grows long!
Thing: Yeah that's what happened heh heh.
Colossus: *giggles*
Thing: By the way I want my frecking money back!
*the whole room says "us too!"*
Magneto: Heh Heh...uhh *quickly runs to the bathroom and jumps down the toilet into the sewer and starts walking* shit they're not getting any money back *trips over a green glowing object then hears a voice above him*
Voice: Hello Magneto
Magneto: Looks up and sees a metallic face with a green hood
Dr. Doom: I've missed you!
Magneto: *soils himself*
Probably to be continued