Continued....
The Fellowship minus one istari set off down the river anduin.
Cut to: Uruk-Hai running through the forest, in slow motion, them slowing down finally. Lurtz snarls takes out some reading glasses and a map and then violently points in the opposite direction which, after all the uruks about face, run towards.
Cut to: Fellowship reaching Argonath.
Cut to: Lurtz on mapquest.
Cut to: Fellowship reaching Western shore on Amon Hen.
Cut to: Lurtz asking local flora for directions while the other uruks mutter and belittle him under their breath.
Cut to: Camp at Amon Hen.
Gimli: Hey aren't we taking the road through really sharp rocks and a smelly bog?
Aragorn: So?
Gimli: Nah...umm nothing...just wondering if gandalf would approve of this.
Aragorn: Listen hes dead! Now i am the wizard...me, finally me at last (takes out cloak,a fake beard, and a make-shift staff). I applied for the job of head, wizard guide three times in the past 5 years for various quests but just got stuck with the scraggly, dirty ranger/king role. Now its my time!
Gimli whispering to Legolas: I didn't know he was an in the closet wizard?
Legolas: I didn't realize he was even part of our fellowship until a week ago...I keep getting him and the big nosed guy confused...
Uruks show up. Lurtz throws off his GPS locator and engages the fellowship in battle. Frodo escapes and Boromir stranded protecting Merry and Pippin blows his horn.
Legolas: The drum of gondor...
Aragorn: Whoa I don't think its a percussion instrument at all...It has more of woodwind resonation to it...
Gimli: No, no, the intonation eludes to a more vibrant instrument such as the mellophone or one of its brass kin....
Legolas: Its a tympany...
Aragorn: No its a clarinet....
Gimli: Euphonium...
Legolas: Triangle!
Aragorn: Oboe!
Gimli: English HORN!
Cut to: Boromir getting shot 23 times in the chest by arrows, saying, "I hate when they dawdle..."
Aragorn & Lurtz fight...Aragorn defeats Lurtz and Merry and Pippin are placed into one of the uruk hais backpack
Boromir: All is lost...woe is me...
Aragorn: O my fallen brother I will praise your valiant swordswork into the afterlife...Your death shall be avenged....
Boromir: Umm...I think with some medical care there will be a chance for recovery....
Aragorn: Right....ummm...your passing will not be in vain son of gondor....
Boromir: I think I'm gonna pull through....
Aragorn: O had sad it is to see how Boromir, appearing to recuperate, fell of the falls of Rauros to his death...
Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli drag Boromir unto one of the boats....
Boromir: What the hell do you think you are doing?
...and push him off the waterfall
Aragorn: Lets find Merry & Pippin, forget Frodo and Sam, Merry & Pippin were so much cooler...
*closing credits*
*one year later*
Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Balrog: furious Watch me.
Fellowship: Oh no he didnt?
Gandalf: FLAME OF UDUN, DARK FIRE WILL NOT AVAIL YOU!
Audience: didnt we...see this scene last year 😖
Audience member: yeah we did, because gandalf falls
Audience member2: He falls? Oh yeah! Those bastards are making us live it through again cry
*audience are interupted by frodo screaming...*
Frodo: *screaming*
Audience: *interupted*
Gandalf: I can fly, you fools *lets go*
Gandalf: Im defying einstiens theory on gravity!
Balrgo: Is he getting closer? Oh shit he is!
Gandalf: *catches sword* wow, how convenient of that sword to have been there *begings brutally hacking away at balrog*
Balrog and Audience: How come gandalf is resisting the burns
Audience: Why wont the balrog fly out, it has wings 😖
LotR Geek: Actually the wings are made of shadow as is the rest of the body.
Audience member near geek: Wings? wasnt that the band Mcartney fronted after the beatles?
Everyone: 😐
*Falling scene ends and we get a wide shot of a really huge underground river and the balrog and gandalf falling into it*
*balrog promptly goes out*
*gandalfs wet robes stick to his horribly burned skin, which when later peeled off bring an inch of skin with them*
*as we hear the splash in the water frodo wakes up*
Frodo: GANDALF!
Sam: Another bad dream mr frodo?
Frodo: Yes sam, my dear sam...yes
Sam: What about? Not Gandalf again?
Frodo: I woke up and screamed 'gandalf' so im assuming i was having a vision of what i believe to be gandalfs death, you know the same way i had visions of the white tower and the white ships
Sam: No, they were cut from the film, but wow, all your visions involve white things, do you think gandalf will later come back but as gandalf the white?
Frodo: Lay off the hobbit weed sam
Sam: I was being serious mr frodo
Frodo: *into elven cloak hidden mic* Oh shit, peter he is giving away spoilers, how do i distract him!?'
Peter: FOOD! GIVE HIM FOOD!
Frodo: Well...sam, how about some lembad bread?
Sam: *is already eating it* You know my frodo, i dont opt much for foreign food, not after the time i got tapeworm from that 'Gondorian Gut Guzzling Curry' but this elvish stuff, its not too bad
Frodo: 😂 Sam, my dear sam, let me turn your comical moment into one of complete and utter homosexuality
Sam: With pleasure mr frodo 😊
the following scene has been editted out due to the breaking of several federal laws
*shot of happy content sleeping hobbits*
*raspy voice*
'Tricksy hobbits'
'Dirty Hobbits' (< This line was edited out of most DVD features as the director thought it hinted too much to the earlier law breaking outake)
*small ugly creature comes on screen*
* then the camera zooms off sam and onto gollum*
Gollum: Tricky dicky hobbitses!
*frodo and same suddenly leap up showing us all they werent asleep and that out thoughts of 'whats going on under that blanket' have a possibility of being true*
*gollum pulls of some quite matriz style moves*
*he headbutts frodo and basicallt molests sam*
*he then gets sam in a choke hold*
*frodo unsheathes his weapon and....edit*
*frodo then unsheashes Sting and threatens gollum with a cut throat*
Gollum: *lets sam go* 😆......crying
Ense scene
Originally posted by Darth Sauron
*closing credits**one year later*
Gandalf: YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Balrog: furious Watch me.
Fellowship: Oh no he didnt?
Gandalf: FLAME OF UDUN, DARK FIRE WILL NOT AVAIL YOU!
Audience: didnt we...see this scene last year 😖
Audience member: yeah we did, because gandalf falls
Audience member2: He falls? Oh yeah! Those bastards are making us live it through again cry
*audience are interupted by frodo screaming...*
Frodo: *screaming*
Audience: *interupted*
Gandalf: I can fly, you fools *lets go*
Gandalf: Im defying einstiens theory on gravity!
Balrgo: Is he getting closer? Oh shit he is!
Gandalf: *catches sword* wow, how convenient of that sword to have been there *begings brutally hacking away at balrog*
Balrog and Audience: How come gandalf is resisting the burns
Audience: Why wont the balrog fly out, it has wings 😖
LotR Geek: Actually the wings are made of shadow as is the rest of the body.
Audience member near geek: Wings? wasnt that the band Mcartney fronted after the beatles?
Everyone: 😐
*Falling scene ends and we get a wide shot of a really huge underground river and the balrog and gandalf falling into it*
*balrog promptly goes out*
*gandalfs wet robes stick to his horribly burned skin, which when later peeled off bring an inch of skin with them*
*as we hear the splash in the water frodo wakes up*
Frodo: GANDALF!
Sam: Another bad dream mr frodo?
Frodo: Yes sam, my dear sam...yes
Sam: What about? Not Gandalf again?
Frodo: I woke up and screamed 'gandalf' so im assuming i was having a vision of what i believe to be gandalfs death, you know the same way i had visions of the white tower and the white ships
Sam: No, they were cut from the film, but wow, all your visions involve white things, do you think gandalf will later come back but as gandalf the white?
Frodo: Lay off the hobbit weed sam
Sam: I was being serious mr frodo
Frodo: *into elven cloak hidden mic* Oh shit, peter he is giving away spoilers, how do i distract him!?'
Peter: FOOD! GIVE HIM FOOD!
Frodo: Well...sam, how about some lembad bread?
Sam: *is already eating it* You know my frodo, i dont opt much for foreign food, not after the time i got tapeworm from that 'Gondorian Gut Guzzling Curry' but this elvish stuff, its not too bad
Frodo: 😂 Sam, my dear sam, let me turn your comical moment into one of complete and utter homosexuality
Sam: With pleasure mr frodo 😊
the following scene has been editted out due to the breaking of several federal laws
*shot of happy content sleeping hobbits*
*raspy voice*
'Tricksy hobbits'
'Dirty Hobbits' (< This line was edited out of most DVD features as the director thought it hinted too much to the earlier law breaking outake)
*small ugly creature comes on screen*
* then the camera zooms off sam and onto gollum*Gollum: Tricky dicky hobbitses!
*frodo and same suddenly leap up showing us all they werent asleep and that out thoughts of 'whats going on under that blanket' have a possibility of being true*
*gollum pulls of some quite matriz style moves*
*he headbutts frodo and basicallt molests sam*
*he then gets sam in a choke hold*
*frodo unsheathes his weapon and....edit*
*frodo then unsheashes Sting and threatens gollum with a cut throat*
Gollum: *lets sam go* 😆......crying
Ense scene
It REALLY is simply hilarious 😱