for today: God goes on holiday
God's sitting up in his Ivory tower, he's had enough of the pressures and stresses of being the number one, so he's decided to go on holiday.
He calls all his super-being mates up and they pop round to discuss a few suggestions.
"What about Mars" , says one of them
"Nah I went there 15,000 years ago", says God, "It was shit, no atmosphere and too dusty"
"What about Pluto", suggests another "Nah I went there about 10,000 years ago", says God "Fuckin freezing was too"
"What about Mercury then" says another "It's nice but I went there about 5,000 years ago, I nearly burnt me bollix off it was that hot, never again" says God
"Well what about Earth then" suggests another "You must be Joking" says God, "I went there about 2,000 years ago, knocked up some Jewish bird, and they're still bloody talking about it.
Ok, for today's joke we will use something From Eddie Murphy, Gundy and Finti do not need to read this as you have both heard it many times I am sure, it's the clean Eddie Murphy Joke for the Kids in the Audience.
There's a bear and rabbit taking a shit in the woods, the bear says to the rabbit "Do you have trouble with shit sticking to your fur?". The Rabbit answers "No!", so the bear wiped his arse with the rabbit.
😂 😂 😂 *Eddie Murphy Style Laugh*
I keep missing days, but here's another.
A small guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown."
The small guy faints!
The big dude picks up the small guy, brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him, and asks the small guy, "What's wrong?" The small guy says, "Excuse me but what did you say?" The big dude looks down and says,
"7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said, 'Turn around.'"