What POTC characters would NEVER say...

Hmm, what else? POTC the Novelization

(Liz is in bed reading)

Maid: It was a very trying day for you, wasn't it, miss?

Liz: Well, I didn't exactly figure the Commodore would propose, but I can handle it.

Maid: No, I mean you getting threatened by that pirate. Must have been terrifying.

Liz: When did that happen?

Maid: This morning! Page 24.

Liz (flips through): Oh. Wow. This is pretty good.

Maid: But the Commodore proposed?

Liz: Oh, wow. This is a really good part. (continues reading)

Maid: Miss Swann?

Liz: Fan me, Estrella! This is too hot.

Maid: What the...?

Announcer: Tired of chick-lit and Barack Obama's latest musings? Try Pirates of the Caribbean: the Series. All three films assembled for a rolicking adventure tale on the high seas. You think you know how it would be as a book? Think again!

Maid: How much was this?

Liz: Just $19.95!

lmfao!!!!! i luved that!!

LMAO LMAO!!! 😆

i luv the announcer part!

Liz: Jack ur bubble bath is ready
Jack: No its not! Wheres my rubber Kraken.

Barbosa: Who wants a piggy back ride?

lol guys! good ones!

i like your sig bina... 🙂

thanks. I LOVE urs 2. I love Jaeh SkyWalker.

who?

Star wars!!!

and LMAO!!!! I love that novelization thing and the bubble bath one too!

(New, sexy commercial for TAG body spray)

(Liz and Jack on deck of Pearl)

Liz: We're going back to Port Royal NOW! (draws her sword)

(Jack smiles and draws out his and they start to parry)

Jack: Why are you smiling?

Liz: Because you think you'll win (strikes)

Jack (he blocks): Likewise (comes close to knocking her down) Does that mean I win then?

(Liz springs up and takes Jack down with her. Finally he's close enough where she can smell the TAG)

Liz: Ooooooh. (starts nuzzling his neck)

Announcer: WARNING! The makers of TAG Body Spray say wearing TAG does NOT lead to gorgeous pirate women jumping on you with reckless abandon. TAG

Liz: OOoohhh

Announcer: Get some

Liz: I will!

^^ LOL! 😆 Brilliant. As always.

Any product requests? I can do after-school specials, too.

(Will and Liz at the drive-in)

(Will yawns and puts his arm around Liz)

Liz: Did you get enough popcorn?

Will: Yeah. Uh, Elizabeth?

Liz: Yes, Will?

Will: I'm so glad I got you to wear my class ring.

Liz: (gazes at it) It's so shiny and perfect. It's so nice we're finally going steady.

Will: It is.

(Liz kind of looks at him like "that's it?"😉

Liz: It's sort of special.

Will: Yeah. (dreamy)

Liz: Maybe there's a way to make it more special?

Will: How?

Liz: Well, (slides over to him and starts kissing his neck). We are due to be married and...

(Barbossa steps out of the movie they're watching)

Barbossa: Freeze!

(Liz and Will stop moving)

Barbossa: A lot of you will find ye-selves in this same kind of situation- unprotected, premarital sex. Remember, condoms never, ever work and will make things fall off. What's that, ya say? Birth control pills? Sure, if you want to bleed from the inside out!

Liz: I sure am glad you changed my mind, Barbossa.

Will: Yeah. That would have been an awful pain.

Barbossa: Remember, kiddies, there are ways to make love without making love (winks at the camera)

This public service announcement was provided by Port Royal Blacksmiths Union. If it ain't metal, you shouldn't be pounding it.

LMAO THAT WAS FREAKIN FUNNY!!!

LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO LMAO

Gasps....LOL LOL LOL LOL....Omg omg
LMAOSHIHTB!!!! 😆 😆

These threads are Hilarious today!!!! LMAO!

LMAO! 😆

What is WITH us today, guys? We're comedians, all of a sudden. A blast of comedy!

Edit: Scratch that, we're always funny, but today it's insane!

i cant stop laughing!

It's what happens when I get out my own rum...hee hee hee.

After-school special 2:

Jack (is the narrator, camera pans to Will walking home from school in a letterman jacket): This is Will Turner. He's a bright, athletic, intelligent young man with a wonderful singing voice.

(Will enters his house)

Will: Mom? Dad? (sees note on table) Dear Darling Son, We will be out for a few hours. Fish sticks are in the freezer. Golly, a few hours all by myself. What should I do?

Jack: What indeed?

(Will goes up to his room. He pulls out a Victoria Secret catalogue)

Jack: After a hard day at school looking at several developing girls, Will is experiencing what your health care provider would call, lust.

(Will goes into the bathroom, has an evil grin on his face)

Jack: Many of your friends will tell you masterbation is healthy, that it calms the nerves and makes you stop thinking about that pretty girl you saw on the volleyball court today. Let's see if Will feels any better.

(Will leaves the bathroom)

Jack: How ya feelin, Will?

Will: Sullied and unusual. And stiff.

Jack: Ah. Very common. You boys out there should know, masterbation will lead to stiffness of joints causing premature arthritis. That's no good for earning that football scholarship to State University. You feel that shameful feeling, Will? (Will nods) That's Satan trying to possess you.

Will: HOLY GUACAMOLE! How do I stop this? (starts to rip out hair)

Jack: Hold on there, champ. Masterbation can be countered with simple time management.

Will: Time management?

Jack: Yes. Why, look down here at all this metal. Someone should be making swords out of them.

Will: That sounds fun.

Jack: And someone should be brushing up on their skills with them.

Will: Well, (blushes) I am a pretty good swordsman.

Jack: And why shouldn't you be? (pats him on the head. Camera shows Will doing fantastic moves) Time spent on honing in on your skills and keep your hand out of your pants and Satan out of your brain. Wow! Look at that parrying. That's pretty impressive swordsmanship. Plan on wooing any strumpets?

Will: Oh no. I need to concentrate on being the best swordsman ever.

Jack: That's the spirit, Will!

This Public Service Announcement was brought to you by the Ball&Chain Tavern. If she breathes, don't marry her.

LMAO LMAO LMAO I CANT STOP LAUGHING THAT WAS HILARIOUS