Elizabeth: It's true! THat kraken told me it loved you!
Captain Jack: Yeah. Loved me to death. Don't tell me you speak marine life.
Elizabeth: Ooh! A humpback whale! Caaan yooooooooouuuu teeeeellllllll uuuussssssss wheeeeeeeeerrrrreeeeeeeee toooooo gooooooooooo?
Humpback whale: We do not sound like that! *it said in very proper English*
Jack the monkey: Like OMG! He said what? He did not!
Mr. Cotton: My tongue grew back!*breaks out into Charlotte's Web Wilbur I can talk song*
I can talk!
I can talk!
I can actually, factually talk!
Isn't it great
That I articulate?
Isn't it grand
That you can understand?
I don't grunt, I don't oink
I don't even squeak or squawk
When I wanna say a something
I open up and talk
I can talk!
I can talk talk talk
I can talk!
I pop with perspicacity
I'm loaded with loquacity
My vocalized veracity is tops
Semantically each bit of me's
The verbalized epitome
My plethory of patter never stops!
Isn't it great
That I articulate?
Isn't it grand
That you can understand?
I don't honk, I don't eek!
I don't even squeak or squawk
When I wanna say a something
I open up and talk
I can talk!
I can talk talk talk
I can talk!
It's wonderous and mystical
I'm hardly egotistical
Because of this linguistical aplomb
But speaking quite pragmatically
My self-esteem emphatically
Dramatically improved since I was dumb!
Isn't it great
That I articulate?
Isn't it grand
That you can understand?
I don't honk, I don't eek!
I don't even squeak or squawk
When I wanna say a something
I open up and talk
I can talk!
I can talk talk talk
I can talk!
Governor Swan: Oh shut up!
Haha DethRose I Loved it!
Barbossa: Aye everybody's got something to hide expect for me and my monkey!
Pirates of the Ebonics
Will: You left Jack ta da Karken and git Sheniquah's ass back ova' heeah.
Lizzie: It wasn't yo' burden ta bear don't make me shank ya!
Will: I beared it anyway in the hood
Will: I though
Lizzie: You thought I loved him and shit.
Will: Well do ya?
Lizzie: Yes I do I Love Jack! just like mammy.
Davy Jones: She Pretend To love me an don't make me pull mah gat!
Tia: When I be free I will give ya muh ma heart an' we's will be together always all ye damn hood ratz..
Davy Jones: My Heart will always belong ta ya what 'chew thinking man?
Jack: Think like da whelp, th'o't like da whelp otay buh-weet
Will: Will ya marry Me?
Lizzie: I can't I'm marring Jack! in the hood
Governor Swann: I'm so sorry Elizabeth but I died w0rd!
More Pirate of The Caribbean:Ebonics
Pintel: No one said anyfin' about cold.
Ragetti: There mus' be uh pimp-tight reason fo' our suffering.
Pintel: Why don' dat ?obay? bring back Jack, da same way she brought back Barbossa?
Tia: Because Barbossa wuz only dead. Jack Sparrow iz taken, body an' soul, ta uh place not o' death, but punishment. The worst fate uh person can bring upon himself. Stretching on forever. That's what awaits at Davy Jones' locker.
Ragetti: I knew dere wuz pimp-tight reason. w0rd!
Davy: Go! All o' ya! And take dat infernal thin' wiff ya! I will not gots it on muh ma ship!
Beckett: I'm sorry ta hear dat, cuz I will. Because it seems ta be da only way ta ensure dat dis here ship do as directed by da company. We need prisoners ta interrogate, which tends ta werk bomb when they're alive.
Davy: The Dutchman sails as its captain commands.
Beckett: And its captain iz ta sail it as commanded. I thought ya would gots learned dat when I ordered ya ta kill yo' pet. This iz nahh longer yo' world, Jones. The immaterial has become...immaterial.
Barbossa: Still thinking o' running, Jack? Think ya can outrun da world? You know, da problem wiff being da last o' anyfin', iz by an' by, dere be none left at all.
Jack: Sometimes, things come back, mate. We're living proof, ya an' me.
Barbossa: Aye, but dat'suh gamble o' long odds, ain't it? There'snever uh guarantee o' coming back, but passing on, dat'sdead certain.
Jack: Summoning da Brethren Court, then, iz it?
Barbossa: It'sour only hope, lad.
Jack: That'suh sad commentary in an' o' itself.
Barbossa: The world used ta be uh bigger place.
Jack: The world'sstill da same. There'sjust less in it. what 'chew trippin foo'
Kill Will! Love it!
(Elizabeth has her pistol in her hand. There is Orlando Bloom as Will, Orlando Bloom as Legolas, and Orlando Bloom as Paris.)
Will: Elizabeth! You have to shoot the imposters!
Elizabeth: (pistol wavers) I don't know!
Legolas: You wouldn't shoot the love of your life, would you?
Paris: Please don't kill me! I'm too pretty to die!
Legolas: You know if you shoot me, I'll shoot you. (gets bow and arrow ready)
Will: Please, Elizabeth. You have to know which one of us is the real Will.
(Elizabeth thinks and then shoots all 3)
Elizabeth: I never liked having to make hard decisions. (blows the smoke from the barrel of her gun, leaps onto her steed, and rides off into the sunset with Western music playing)
LOL!!!!!!!
Marty: I'm a little tea pot shot and stout!
Narrator: Just then, Jack came in.
Jack: Bloody hell. *runs out*
Narrator: Then for some strange reason just because, Dr. Evil comes aboard THe Black Pearl.
Dr. Evil: Mini me! There you are! I told you not to run away! *picks up Marty*
Marty: Who the hell are you talking to?
Dr. Evil: Mini me, I told you not to cuss.
Marty: I'm not bloody Mini me! He's shorter than I!
Jack: I believe that in Hell, the song that always plays on the sound system will be "It's A Small World."
Narrator: What a coincidence! I do to!
Will: Dah! Potato!
Elizabeth: Stupid git.
Barbossa: Has anyone seen my hat?
Jack the monkey: Umm...... Now's my chance! I will rule the world for I am Mojo Jojo! Hahahaha!
Brain: No! I will rule the world! It's in my contract with Warner Brothers!
Narrator: THis is getting random isn't it kids?
Readers: Yes.
(Elizabeth has just been told "Goodbye, Poppet" by Pintel and is getting ready to say goodbye to the whole crew)
Elizabeth: Oh, I wish I didn't have to leave. I love you all.
Gibbs: You've always had the power to stay, Miss Elizabeth. Just click your heels three times and say "there's no life like a pirate's life."
Elizabeth: (clicks heels) There's no life like a pirate's life. It worked! I'm still on the ship!
(The pirates cheer)
Gibbs: Well, my work here is done. Gibbs away! (flies off into the air)
(Elizabeth and Will leave the cave in Isla De Muerta and come up on the ship he and Jack comandeered. She sees Gibbs, Anamaria, and the rest of the crew)
Elizabeth: Not more pirates.
Gibbs: Are you a good pirate or a bad pirate?
Elizabeth: I'm not a pirate at all. I'm Elizabeth Swann from Port Royal. (she hears giggling from the other pirates) What was that?
Gibbs: The bitty pirates. They're laughing because I'm a pirate. I be Gibbs-- The Future Captain of the Black Pearl. (waves a wand and starts singing) Come out/come out/wherever you are/and meet the young lady...
(Suddenly the Pearl with Barbossa captaining it comes after them. Gibbs runs to the helm and steers them all to safety)
Elizabeth: That Barbossa makes me so mad.
Gibbs: Don't be too hard on him, lass. He hasn't been the same since someone dropped that house on his sister.
So I've had this idea in my head for ages and I'm finally gonna throw it out here just for kicks 😛 A brief return of Pirates of the Caribbean The Musical!!
Assistant Director: OY! Wake up everyone. I know its friday and a morning rehearsal blows worse than a hurricane on the caribbean but get your butts up on stage and SING SOMETHING DANG IT! *presses cold compress to head*
Director: You'll have to excuse her, she didn't have her morning coffee and she's a little uh...touchy this morning.
Assistant Director:*roars* I AM NOT TOUCHY!!!
Jack: *cautiously* Of course you aren't dearie. Here, have some rum.
Pintel: Aye, sit yourself down and try and relax a bit eh?
Ragetti: Just listen to the pretty music.
*Assistant Director grumbles but complies*
Director: Thanks guys, you're the best. I thought she might have a full out BF on us there.
Will: A what? Whats a BF? *panicked he's been left out of a joke...again*
Barbossa: Oh, she be referin' to a bitc..
Scarlette:There'll be no derogatory terms used in this production, sir. *huffs*
Pintel: Gor. Next they'll be telling me I can't drink or sleep around.
Ragetti: *crosses self* Tis a strange time my friend, we must keep our virtues around us.
Pintel: *rolls eyes*
Will: *nearing tears* I don't understand whats going on! Someone bloody well tell me what a freakin BF IS!!!!
Barbossa: I told ye, its a...*eyes scarlette's glare*....Beyotch Fit.
Assistant Director: I"M NOT GOING TO HAVE A BF.
Lizzie: SHE"S NOT GOING TO HAVE A BF!!
Will: whats up with them?
Director: Same as the rest of us, Will. PJD. *sighs*
Will: PJD...do I even want to know.
Jack *smug*: Post-Jack Depression, mate. My lassies can't get enough of dear old Jack, and what with rehearsals being postponed for a while for us to pillage and plunder...*pulls lizzie and as many female cast memebers as possible close* They miss ol' Captain Jack. *winks*
Females: *swoon*
Will: *head in hands* I give up. WHy go on? Just let me lie here and depreciate.
Director: Oh stuff a sock in it Will.
Will: *hearty sniff* Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll go in my broom closet and right some angsty poetry as a creative outlet for my inner turmoil. Thats what the set therapist has been recommending. *tries to exit with dignity...which is an epic fail as always*
Beckett: Girl, all i'm saying is that it's about time he came out of that broom closet if you know what I'm saying *snaps*
Mercer: ooh, girl you so nasty *winks* But you're totally right. This calls for an intervention
Beckett: *Yelling* WILL!! Just come out all ready!! Closets are for clothes, will!! Really FABULOUS CLOTHES!!!
Will: SHUT UP I HATE YOU ALL!.
Barbossa: *shrugs* At least he didn't cry this time or start playing the Wicked soundtrack again.
Jack: True that, mate. That was bloody frightening.
Lizzie: As much as I love socializing, I have an, um,er,....*trails fingers up and down Jack's chest*...business meeting very soon and I'd like to knock this number out pretty quick if we can.
Jack: What?
Lizzie: *sultry look*
Jack: Oh yes! And as her....business partner...my presence at the meeting is a requirement. Come on, toot suite, come on everyone.
Assistant Director: *Clutching a script and hot chocolate* Okay, Jaeh, take it away.
Director: Lizzie, this song was actually written for a man, but we want you to sing it because you're awesome like that and a strong female figure. And we know you're up to it. *passes sheet music* Give it a read thru and we'll get started. Just wear your costume from the second movie, with the cute red vest that Jackie likes.
Jack: What about me?
Director: Just wear your costume from the movie and enjoy, maybe flirt a bit on stage, you'll feel it out.
Jack: Do I get any weapons?
Assistant Director: Why would you need weapons??
Jack: I just like them. They make me feel all manly 😉
Director: *swoons*
Barbossa: Lets get goin; already!
Lizzie: Alright, here goes.
*music begins*
(authors note: if you listen to this song, and imagine it being lizzie singing about wanting Jack and how no other man will do, its so perfect lol!!)
Giselle: *spoken* Now love whats all the shouting about, it'll be alright...
Lizzie *half sung* : No I had him!
His chest was there beneath my hand.
I had swear I had him!
He was right here and now he'll never come again.
Giselle: Easy now, hush love hush
I keep telling you -
Lizzie: When? Why do I wait?
You told me to wait -
Now he'll never come again.
There's a hole in the world like a great black pit
And it's filled with people who are filled with shit
And the vermin of the world inhabit it.
But not for long...
They all deserve to die.
Tell you why, my giselle-y, tell you why.
Because in all of the whole human race
Miss Giselle, there are two kinds of men and only two
There's the one that stays put in his "proper place"
And the one with his freedom and his beautiful face
Look at me, and then, look at you.
Now we all deserve to fly...
Even you and then, ..even I
Because the lives of the wicked should be made brief
For the rest of us death will be a relief
And yet we all deserve to fly..
*suddenly sad, and alone on stage*
And I'll never see my father
No I'll never hold my dad to me - finished!
[Interlude by Giselle offstage, spoken: Ever think you might want to play the field a bit love? Jack's not the only fish in the sea..."]
Lizzie: (shouted) Alright! You sir, you sir, how about a game?
Come and visit your good friend Lizzie?
You sir, you sir? Welcome to the grave.
I will have vengenance.
I will have salvation.
(shouted) Who sir, you sir?
No one in their chair, come on! Come on!
Lizzie's waiting. I want you bleeders.
You sir - anybody.
Gentlemen don't be shy!
[Lizzie, realizing that no man can ever even think of satisfying her like Jack does in any possible way]
Not one man, no, no ten men.
Not a hundred can assuage me -
I will have you! *points to Jack who has appeared on stage*
And I will get him back even as he gloats
In the meantime I might practice on less honorable blokes.
And my Empress lies in ashes
And I'll never see my girl again.
[Interlude, spoken by Jack: There there now, love. Jackie's home.]
*Lizzie walks slowly over to Jack*
But the work waits!
I'm alive at last!
And I'm full of joy!
*He picks her up and spins her around and they give a big finish, Broadway style, arms raised to the crew*
----------
Its a weird idea, i know, but i hope it was okay and that im not too rusty!!
Captain Jack: I want ice cream! *he sits down and cries*
Will: Ha ha! You don't get no ice cream cause yo mom's on welfare! *holds ice cream up. It drops* Momma!
Captan Jack: Haha!
Narrator: I luvs me some mint chocolate chip. The green kind. And Jack what do you want?
Captain Jack: I love Rocky Road! So what you gonna do if I have gallon baby!
The REAL ending to AWE
Scene: Elizabeth is walking up the grassy hills
Lizzie: "The hills are alive with the sound of music
With songs they have sung for a thousand years
The hills fill my heart with the sound of music
My heart wants to sing every song it hears
My heart wants to beat like the wings of the birds
that rise from the lake to the trees
My heart wants to sigh like a chime that flies
from a church on a breeze
To laugh like a brook when it trips and falls over
stones on its way
To sing through the night like a lark who is learning to pray
I go to the hills when my heart is lonely(Waiting for Jack)
I know I will hear what I've heard before
My heart will be blessed with the sound of music
And I'll sing once more"
Lizzie sees Jack and they run to embrace he picks her up they kiss.
Gore: "Sniff That was Beautiful"
Lizzie Thinks back as her life as a pirate and how much she misses it.
Lizzie:
Pirates,
Pirates,who need Pirates
Are the luckiest people in the world
Were Pirates needing other Pirates
And yet letting our grown-up pride
Hide all the need inside
Acting more like Pirates than children
Pirates
Are very special people
Theyre the luckiest people in the world
With one person,
One very special person(Jack)
A feeling deep in your soul
Says you are half now youre whole
No more hunger and thirst
But first be a Pirate who needs Pirates
Pirates, pirates who need Pirates
Are the luckiest people in the world.
With one person
One very special person(Jack)
A feeling deep in your soul
Says you are half now youre whole
No more hunger and thirst
But first be a Pirate who needs Pirates
Pirates, pirates who need pirates
Are the luckiest people in the world.