What POTC characters would NEVER say...

Will is siting down with a banjo in his hand

Will😖oy un perdedor
Im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me? Soy un perdedor
Im a loser baby, so why dont you kill me?(as he sings Will starts to cry)
Will(Crying): I lost it all! I'm a loser no one loves me sniff sniff
Barbarossa: Come on lad! Be a MAN! GROW UP and be a man for God sakes! So your girlfriend is in love with another man so what? GET OVER IT!
Will: It's not just any man it's Jack(Crying)
Barbarossa: So what? what's the big deal? BE A MAN DAMMIT!
Barbarossa walks away
Barbie: William Turner what a sad shumck!

Gibbs: Will, are you sure you don't want to be a pirate?

Will: Yes, I'm sure! All they do is sail the open sea, pillage, drink rum, hit on gorgeous women...I envy them so much. (breaks into song)

Will: (singing) I wanna be where the pirates are
I wanna see, wanna see 'em plunderin'
Walkin' around in their boots
Being a blacksmith you don't get too far
The pay sucks and the work is murder
And at the end of the day you're covered in...what's
that word again? Soooooot.

Up where they drink
Up where they sail
Up where they busy themselves with stealing my gal
Wonderin' free
Wish I could be
Part of that ship...

Gibbs: Jeez, didn't ask for your life story, pal.

Will: Jack, why do you like to be a pirate?

Captain Jack: Hmm.....well, here's a song *sings*
Oh, I like to be a pirate, a pirate's life for me.
All my friends are pirates and they sail the b.b. sea.
I've got a Jolly Roger, it's a black and white and vast.
So get out of your skull and crossbones
And I'll run it up your mast.

With a yo-ho-ho and a ah-ha-ha and a hee-hee-ha-ha-ho.
A yo-ho-ho and a ya-ha-ha and a yum-yum jum-jum-jum.
I've got a Jolly Roger, it's a black and white and vast.
So get out of your skull and crossbones
I'll run it up your mast.

All together!

I like to be a pirate, a pirate's life for me.
And all my friends are pirates and sail the b.b. sea.
Got a Jolly Roger, it's a black and white and vast.
So get out of your skull and crossbones
I'll run it up your mast.

Oo-ee!

With a yo-ho-ho and a ah-ha-ha and a hee-hee-ha-ha-ho.
A yo-ho-ho and a ya-ha-ha and a yum-yum jum-jum-jum.
I've got a Jolly Roger, it's a black and white and vast.
So get out of your skull and crossbones
I'll run it up your mast.

A one more time!

I like to be a pirate, a pirate's life for me.
And all my friends are pirates and they sail the b.b. sea.
Got a Jolly Roger, it's a black and white and vast.
So get out of your skull and crossbones
I'll run it up your mast.

Will: Pretty women
Fascinating...
Sipping coffee,
Dancing... pretty women
Pretty women
Are a wonder.
Pretty women!

Sitting in the window or
Standing on the stair
Something in them cheers the air.

Pretty women
Silhouetted...
Stay within you,
Glancing... stay forever,
Breathing lightly...
Pretty women,
Pretty women!

Blowing out their candles or
Combing out their hair,
Even when they leave
They still are there.
They're there

Ah! Pretty women, at their mirrors,
In their gardens,
Letter-writing,
Flower-picking,
Weather-watching.
How they make a man sing!

Proof of heaven as you're living,
Pretty women! Yes, pretty women!
Here's to pretty women,
Pretty women,
Pretty women,
Pretty women

Barbossa: Shut up Will. You know you like men.

Will:These are my friends,
See how they glisten.
See this one shine,
How he smiles in the light,
My friends,
My faithful friends...
Speak to me, friend.
Whisper, I'll listen.
I know, I know
You've been locked out of sight
All these years!
Like me, my friend!
Well, I've come home
To find you waiting!
Home,
And we're together...
And we'll do wonders...
Won't we...?
You there, my friend,
Come, let me hold you.
Now, with a sigh,
You grow warm
In my hand...
My friend,
My clever friend...
Jack: Wow your obsessed!

All pirates: *sing* We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lay around
And if you ask us to do anything
Well just tell you we don't do anything

Well, I've never been to Greenland
And I've never been to Denver
And I've never buried treasure in St. Louie or St. Paul
And I've never been to Moscow
And I've never been to Tampa
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

We're the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lay around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything

And I've never hoist the mainstay
And I've never swabbed the poop deck
And I've never veer to starboard
Cause I never sail at all

And I've never walked the gangplank
And I've never owned a parrot
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

All Piarates: Cause were the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lay around
And if you ask us to do anything
Well just tell you we don't do anything

Well i've never plucked a rooster
And I'm not too good at ping pong
And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes
Up against the wall

Jack: And I've never kissed a chipmunk (I think)
And I've never gotten head lice
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

Barbossa: Huh? What are you talking about?
What does a Rooster or mashed potatos
have to do with being a pirate?

Will: Hey! That's right!
We're supposed to sing about piraty things

Barbossa: And who's ever kissed a chipmunk?
that's just nonsense!
Why even bring it up?
Am i right?
What do you think?

Will: I think you look like Cap'n Crunch...

Barbossa: Huh? No i don't!

Will: Do too.

Barbossa😄o Not.

Will: You're making me hungry...

Barbossa: That's it, you're walking the plank!

Will: Says who?

Barbossa: Says the Cap'n!

Will: oh yeah?
Aye, Aye... Cap'n Crunch... hehehe

Barbossa: ARRRGH!

Will: Yikes!

Elizabeth: And I've never licked a spark plug
And I've never sniffed a stinkbug
And I've never painted daises
On a big red rubber ball

And I've never bathed in yogurt
And I don't look good in leggings
You just don't get it...
And We've never been to Boston in the fall!

LOL! More, please!

Elizabeth: *sings to Jack* Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're one

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

There is some love that will not go away

You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Aw, that's nice.

Thank you.

Jack: What to do. what to do. I knw! I'll invade the narrator's story The Adventures of Larry the Imaginary Plastic Bag on fanfiction.net! But first I have to get ready.

OMG LOL!!!!!!

Narrator: Coming soon to a computer screen near you, it's zany, random, crazy and sometimes offensive. It's The Adventures of Larry The Imaginary Plastic Bag as you never read it before. This time there's pirates, innuendo, pet potatoes, and a Joker. Read The Adventures of Larry The Imaginary Plastic Bag for your piratey fix in December.

Jack: Be thar mates! Arrrrrrrr! 🏴‍☠️

LOL I'm so totally gonna start calling all plastic bags 'Larry' now....... And people shall stare at me.

Will: Dad it's me Will your son!
Bootstrap: Huh?
Will: I'm your son remember?
Bootstrap: Your my son?
Will: Yes
Bootstrap: When did this happen? your not my son what did you too to my Son?
Will: I AM YOUR SON!!
Bootstrap: Really? Wow talk about something shocking!
Narrator: Bootstrap is suffering some memory loss due to him being on Jones ship
Bootstrap: Really? I thought I was stuck some Island with this guy named Gilligan and this was his ship!
Narrator: No Bootstrap this is Davy Jones ship the Flying Dutchman
Bootstrap: The Flying Dutchman? You mean this ships can fly? COOL!!!
Narrator:No sorry it doesn't fly
Bootstrap: Aw Man I thought I was on a flying ship
Narrator: I'm sorry. But Will is your son
Bootstrap: Really? Will is my son?
Narrator: Yes
Bootstrap: Oh I was hoping that nice man Gilligan was my son he's cool!
Narrator: Will walks away and cries...

Lizzie sings to Jack:

Funny how everything changes for me
Memories take me away
Each time I open the door to my room
Where I must stay in all day

I don't want to be here
I'm much to tired
So I close my eyes and snap I'm with you
We are on vacation
You and me together
Laying in the sunshine

Chorus:
I travel to Romantis
I travel to Romantis
Where nothing 'bout the blue skies will tell me that the time flies
I travel to Romantis
Everytime I think of you
You're giving me my life back
I travel to Romantis

One day I'll give you myself in a ring
Bounded by law and by heart
It's you and me against the world
That is the way it should be

I don't want to be here
I'm much to tired
So I close my eyes and snap I'm with you
We are on vacation
You and me together
Laying in the sunshine
Chorus
You are the best that has happened to me
Please god, let it be

Lizzie: I love you Jack
Jack: I Love you Lizzie

Song:Travel to Romantis By Ace Of Base
Click here to Listen to It:Travel To Romantis

lol i really liked the will crying bit

Narrator: When we last saw Will he walked away crying because his father had hoped that Gilligan was his son cause he was nice and really cool. Will approaches Barbarossa about his problem.

Will: Sniff I my father doesn't love me(Cries) Oh Barbarossa after everything I did to help him set him free from Jones curse. He doesn't think I'm cool do you think I'm cool and will my father ever love me?

Barbarossa: No and Yes
Will: Huh?
Barbarossa: No your not cool and Yes your father does love you so what he wants someone else for a son let it go.

Will: So you don't think I'm cool?
Barbarossa: No not really. I find you a tad anoying well not a tad anyoing your just anyoing Master Turner. Besides I'm still mad at you!
Will: Why?
Barbie: Cause you said me look like Captain Crunch
Narrator:As you can see Barbarossa was still peeved at Will for saying he looked like Captain Crunch.
Will: Come on I was just joking with you!
Barbarossa: I'm NOT taking to you!
Will: Huh but I said I was sorry
Barbie: well it's too late to apologize you hurt me feelings!
Narrator: Will once again walks crying...

Jack sings:Watch this

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I came up up with more secrets to tell you today
These are my confessions
Slip my mind the last two times
Silly me, so now I gotta give you part three of my confessions
First I told you about the Lizzie the girl that I took from Will now I recall more you see, so I'll give you part three of my confessions

Now this is gonna be the hardest thing I ever had to do,
Gonna tell you everything I left out of parts one and two
Like remember when I told you I knew Paulie Shore (Paulie Shore)
That's a lie, I don't know what I said that for
I borrowed your chapstick (from you)
I tried out your nose hair trimmer (too)
And by the way your diamond ring is cubic zirconium,
I killed your goldfish accidentally, just replaced it with another one

These are my confessions
Just when I thought I said all I could say I needed to get some things off my chest right away
These are my confessions
Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me, I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions

Song: Confessions Part 3 By: Weird Al

lol 'accidentally killed goldfish'

and Will crying again....

will: wth? I saw you kissing him!
Elizabeth: Will I--
Will: (approaching jack) Damnit, not only are you bi, but now your making out with my fiance.
Jack: wait a minute... You're allowed to be bi and i'm not? this relationship is a two way street, young man.
Will: I was marrying her for the governor's money! I mean its not like i have to kiss her or sleep with her, is it?
(Stunned silence)
Elizabeth: What in the hell just happened?
Will: Elizabeth, marry me.
Elizabeth: now's not the best time, you user! *chains him to the mast*
Will: SHIT, why me?
Jack: lets go milove!
Elizabeth: K, but only if your truly bi and aren't going to dump me for my money.
Jack: K. lets go.

*5 minutes later*
Will: damnit, i can't get this shackle off of me, and i've tried kerosine.
Jack: that's because your so much lamer than I am.
Will: How did you get back here?
Jack: oh, right, another damn storyline inconsistency in this movie.
Will: omg the chain disappeared and now its on you...
Jack: And I thought this movie had been absurd up to this point.
Will: ya, lol.
Krakken: GRRRR
Will: k, thanks, bye!! *jumps off of the ship*

Elizabeth: WTF WHERE'D JACK GO?

Too true.....

Originally posted by Lord Knightfa11
will: wth? I saw you kissing him!
Elizabeth: Will I--
Will: (approaching jack) Damnit, not only are you bi, but now your making out with my fiance.
Jack: wait a minute... You're allowed to be bi and i'm not? this relationship is a two way street, young man.
Will: I was marrying her for the governor's money! I mean its not like i have to kiss her or sleep with her, is it?
(Stunned silence)
Elizabeth: What in the hell just happened?
Will: Elizabeth, marry me.
Elizabeth: now's not the best time, you user! *chains him to the mast*
Will: SHIT, why me?
Jack: lets go milove!
Elizabeth: K, but only if your truly bi and aren't going to dump me for my money.
Jack: K. lets go.

*5 minutes later*
Will: damnit, i can't get this shackle off of me, and i've tried kerosine.
Jack: that's because your so much lamer than I am.
Will: How did you get back here?
Jack: oh, right, another damn storyline inconsistency in this movie.
Will: omg the chain disappeared and now its on you...
Jack: And I thought this movie had been absurd up to this point.
Will: ya, lol.
Krakken: GRRRR
Will: k, thanks, bye!! *jumps off of the ship*

Elizabeth: WTF WHERE'D JACK GO?

lol

Indeed. Why'd ya' leave the 'had to ask/rvb' thread?