I don't think we have! That'd be a good one. Oh and when Jack goes on about 'It's the honest one's you have to look out for, because you'll never know when they'll do something incredibly... stupid." I don't think anyone's done that entire Cave Scene... Or Commodore's Promotion Ceremony from the beginning.
Barbossa: So you intend to leave me standing on a beach somewhere watching you sail away on my ship with naught but a name and your word its the one i need?
Translation: This is only going to work if you leave me the whelp to torture and a hot chick to be distracted by.
Jack: No, I plan to leave you standing on some beach with absolutely no name, watching me sail away on MY ship, and then I'll shout the name back to you.
Translation: You can have the whelp, and I'll provide you with weapons of mass destruction to use against him. But Lizzie's all mine.
Barbossa: But that still leaves us with the problem of me standing on some beach with naught but a name and your word its the one I need.
Translation: Jack, I'm going to be honest with you. You are way hotter than me and deserve the girl. But this beach had better be in Miami, close to a pub.
Jack: Between the two of us, I am the only one who hasn't committed mutiny, so its my word we'll be trusting. Although, if you hadn't marooned me and left me to die, I would have an equal share in that curse same as you. Funny how that works, eh?
Translation: You're right mate, I'm way hotter. But if it weren't for all this, I never would have gotten to see Elizabeth in less than a corset. And seeing as I'm going to kill you eventually anyway, it really doesn't matter what sort of bargain we make.
Bosun: Captain! We're coming up on the Interceptor!
Translation: I can see Will's whitey-tighties from here.
Jack: I'm having a thought here Barbossa. What say we run up a flag of truce, I scurry over to the Interceptor and negotiate the return of your medallion?
Translation: I happen to know the Interceptor is well stocked with Rum and ladies. What say we string Will up by his earlobes and make fun of him?
Barbossa: Jack, you know thats the attitude that lost you the Pearl to begin with. People are much easier to search when they're dead.
Translation: Why bother making fun of him when we could just kill him? At least that way we could spare the poor fans who are going to go crazy wondering who the wench will choose in the end.
Barbossa: Lock him in the brig.
Translation: And put him in a toga. I'm feeling like a greek party.
Black Pearl and Flying Dutchman confrontation
[Will, lying flat on the deck, head over a grate, returns to consciousness aboard the Black Pearl]
Translation: I could have swore I had more action scenes besides lying on my back through the entire movie...
Will Turner: What happened to the chest?
Translation: Chest...bosoms...god its been so long since ive even seen a woman!
Elizabeth Swann: Norrington took it to draw them off.
Translation: Well don't think that you will be seeing mine...even though most of the crew already have...
Pintel: You're pulling too hard!
Translation: (Oh god, the things i could write about this!!🙂....fine, ill keep it to a PG-13 lol) ...Your supposed to Bop It, and then Twist it! not the other way round!
Ragetti: You're not pulling hard enough!
Translation: (OMG they're killing me here...seriously!!) ... Fine, i give up! I hate playing games with you...i'm still not over the scrabble tournement you cheated on....
Gibbs: Where's the Commodore?
Translation: Tell me he's been blown away by a relatively strong breeze...
Jack Sparrow: He fell behind.
Translation: Not so much strong breeze....more like swarm of fish-like mutants...
Gibbs: My prayers be with him. Best not wallow in our grief. The bright side is: You're back. And made it off free and clear.
Translation: Bloody hell jack, not even nuclear fallout can remove you from this ship!
[suddenly the Flying Dutchman surfaces alongside them]
Translation: ooooh! I've seen fast and the furious....engines at the ready!!!!!
Gibbs: Lord almighty. Deliver us.
Translation: To anywhere, i dont care...just aslong as it isn't a hole in the ground.
Jack Sparrow: I'll handle this, mate.
Translation: Theres nothing wrong with a hole in the ground...ive been in a few of them myself...they're quite comfortable, actually...
[Jack grabs his jar of dirt, and struts across the deck, yelling to Jones across the water between their ships]
Translation: I've got dirt and i'm not afraid to use it!!!
Jack Sparrow: Hey! Fishface! Lose something? Hey? ### Oup!
Translation: Your ugly and you smell like rotting fish! oh...and i B**ed your ex girlfriend! Hows that for revenge! And now i'm going to trip over thin air and fall with style BUZZ LIGHTYEAR stlye down the steps! Watch me now, here I go !!!
[Jack falls down the stairs of the Pearl]
Translation: God i'm good!
Crew: Ooh!
Translation: Nah...Buzz did it gracefully...Jacks was as bad as the 2006 superman movie...
Jack Sparrow: Got it! [holds up the jar of dirt while lying hidden behind the railing]
Translation: David Blane has nothing on me...Magic eye my ass!
[Jack stands up, struts across the deck, holding his jar of dirt]
Translation: 'I'm too sexy for my shirt...too sexy for my shirt...so sexy it hurts! ...I'm on the catwalk, you know what I mean, and i shake my little tush on the catwalk...'
Jack Sparrow: Come to negotiate, eh, have you, you slimy git? Look what I got. [sing-song] I got a jar of dirt! I got a jar of dirt! And guess what's inside it?
Translation: 'Der der der der...der der...der der, YOU CAN'T TOUCH THIS! (Mc Hammer style!!)
Davy Jones: Enough!
Translation: The cheesy pop songs are making my tenticles shake their booty....I'm supposed to be a miserable git and your ruining my moment!!
[the Flying Dutchman's cannon covers slide down, cannons emerge from the holes]
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! ...tag, your it!
Jack Sparrow: [in a low voice] Hard to starboard.
Translation: I prefer off-ground tick, but fine we'll play it your way...
Elizabeth Swann: *Hard to starboard!*
Translation: What about Queenie-i-o??
Will Turner: Brace up the foreyard!
Translation: Whose got the ball-i-o?
Gibbs: Hard to starboard!
Translation: I aint got it!
Davy Jones: Send his beloved Pearl back to the depths!
Translation: and It aint in my pocket!
Maccus: Fire all!
Translation: And It certainly aint between my legs...take a look!
[a heavy cannonade fires from the Flying Dutchman, blowing large holes in the Black Pearl]
Translation: Your turn!!!!! ...unless i can get barley before you can fire at us, in which case, we get another go!!!
[Pintel and Ragetti look through the gaping hole in the stern, see the Flying Dutchman following them]
Translation: That wasn't fair...you took our turn!!
Pintel: She's on us! She's on us!
Translation: If only it WAS a 'she' that was really 'on' us...
Davy Jones: Let them taste the triple guns.
Translation: Queenie-i-o my ass!
Ogilvey: Aye, Captain.
Translation: Awww...and i was really up for playing that game, aswell!
[triple-barreled cannon fires, barrel rotates after each blast]
Translation: Tick, your it! Tick, your it! Tick, your it!!
...
Will: "Come on!"
Translation: I need more action in this movie...now...wheres my bow and arrow?
Elizabeth Swann: She's falling behind!
Translation: Aww..and i was just about to ask them if they fancied a game of stuck in the mud, instead...
Gibbs: Aye, and we've got her!
Translation: I'll stick you somewhere in a minute, and it won't be in mud, young lady...mud would be more pleasant, though...
Will Turner: We're the faster?
Translation: *holds up bow and arrow* Found them!...now...wheres my blond wig...
Gibbs: Against the wind the Dutchman beats us. That's how she takes her prey. But *with* the wind...
Translation: I know too much useless information for my own good...
Will Turner: We rob her advantage.
Translation: No matter, the bow and arrow will come in handy when i need to kill Jack for currupting my fiancee...
Gibbs: Ah!
Translation: He's done more than currupt her...
Originally posted by katelovespirate
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i dont even know how to stop myself laughing.youve done us all proud, t maria. that was BEYOND HILARIOUS.
OMGSH, the blonde wig??? most have the crew have seen Lizzie's chest? the music?!?!! LOLOLOLgenius. PLEASE do another!!!!!
lmao 🙂 thankyou hun! hehe
Everyone has done so well with these translations!! 😄
I PMSL everytime i read them!! 😆
What else is there to do?? lol
I think we're running out....they need to hurry up and get the 3rd movie out!!!! 💃 💃 💃 💃
Captain Bellamy: What's all this? If you btoh fancy the dress, you'll just have to share and wear it one after the other.
Translation: We signed the EITC's new contract for the equal treatment of gays and crossdressers, or I would be making fun of you both so bad right now...
Bursar: It's not like that sir. This ship is haunted.
Translation: I may crossdress from time to time, but only in Tortuga. Er... i mean, Ghost-busters!!!
Bellamy: Is it now? And you?
Translation: Oh my gosh, not the ghost-busters thing again. I should have known not to get sattelite for the crew's quarters.
Quartermaster: Theres a female presence aboard, all the men can feel it...
Translation: we all got horny at the same time. it was uncanny.
Other dude: The ghost of a lady, widowed before her marriage I figure it, searching for her husband lost at sea.
Translation: Fans, take hint from my important line! That William Turner is going to get lost at sea if i have anything to say about it.
Liz looks up.
Translation: Will has been lost at sea? Oh well... best not wallow in my grief.
Other dude: A virgin, too, likely as not. And that bodes ill by all accounts.
Translation: In the unlikely event she IS a virgin, the legendary Captain Jack Sparrow will soon be along to rememdy that fact.
Liz looks awkward.
Translation: I;m not saying a word. They can think what they want about my virginity...
Bursar: I say we throw the dress overboard and hope the spirit follows it!
Translation: Then I say we all get raging drunk, and play dress-up!
Quartermaster: No that will just anger the spirit. We should just find out what it needs and then give it back.
Translation: What the spirit probably needs is some good loving from the legendary Captain Jack Sparrow. If we get rid of the dress, it will just speed the process along.
Bellamy: Enough! You're a pair of supersticious goats and its got the best of you. Now this appears to be no more as we have a stowaway on board. A young woman by the looks of it. I want you to search the ship and find her.
Translation: You're acting like teenage girls telling ghost stories at a slumber party... ooo.. slumber party... pillowfights in their underwear... ahem, anyways, its perfectly obvious what happened. My hooker-of-the-month club order has arrived. Track her down!
Bellamy: Oh, and she's probably naked.
Translation: She'll be naked as soon as I find her, anywayss.
Crew rushes off enthusiastically to find the stowaway.
Translation: This is the best game of hide and seek we've EVER played~!!
PRISONER
Come here, boy... Want a nice,
juicy bone?
TRANSLATION: This bone is starting to look pretty tasty....
JACK
You can keep doing that forever,
that dog's never going to move.
TRANSLATION: It only will if you have the Captain Jack touch, heh heh heh.
PRISONER
Excuse us if we ain't resigned
ourselves to the gallows just yet.
TRANSLATION: Some of us don't have our looks going for us like you.
JACK (grins)
TRANSLATION: Man, I won't move either. Good thing they can't see what my hands are doing. That girl today was hot.
EXT. FORT CHARLES - PARAPETS - NIGHT
A noose hangs from a gallows in the courtyard. Norrington
and Swann walk along the far wall.
SWANN
Has my daughter given you an
answer yet?
TRANSLATION: Or is she already pregnant?
NORRINGTON
No. She hasn't.
TRANSLATION: Good sign? Bad sign?
SWANN
Well, she had a taxing day...
Ghastly weather tonight.
TRANSLATION: As long as she and that pirate don't share a doomed kiss on the Black Pearl.
NORRINGTON
Bleak. Very bleak.
TRANSLATION: I bet they will share a kiss if I don't marry her in this one. Stiff upper lip, James.
From the distance, there is a BOOM -
SWANN
What was that?
TRANSLATION: Ew, Norrington. Say excuse me next time.
-- and then the WHISTLE of an incoming ball --
NORRINGTON
Cannon fire!
TRANSLATION: A fart joke? Gov, you really aren't funny.
He tackles Swann as the wall of the parapet EXPLODES --
INT. CELL BLOCK - NIGHT
Jack sits up. There are more BOOMS -
JACK
I know those guns!
TRANSLATION: Anyone want to see my guns? I'm good at flexing.
He peers out through the bars of the window. The other
prisoners crowd around their window as well.
JACK (CONT'D)
It's the Black Pearl.
TRANSLATION: Daddy missed you, sweetheart, but he's coming! (makes kissy sounds)
PRISONER
(frightened)
The Black Pearl? I've heard
stories ... she's been preying on
ships and settlements for near ten
years ... and never leaves any
survivors.
TRANSLATION: I don't really care. I just like scaring people.
JACK
No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?
TRANSLATION: Seriously, it kind of sucks being the smartest one in the movie.
from the scene in tia's hut (i think we;ve done parts of this one, i dont remember, so i reckoned i would do some)
Tia: Your key go to a chest. And its what s inside that chest you seek.
Translation: WHy do I always have to give the kiddies the sex talk?
Gibbs: What is in it?
Translation: We all know about sex, Tia. Sex-ed class is a requirement of crewing the Pearl.
Pintel: Gold? Jewels? Unclaimed properties of a valuble nature?
Translation: my retirement plan is not the best. I'm just trying to think ahead here.
Ragetti: Nothing bad, I hope.
Translation: Woah, I never got the sex talk. I'm intrigued...
Tia: You know of Davy Jones? A man of the sea, a great sailor, until he run aground on that which vexes all men.
Translation: You know those adorable stripped sailor outfits? They were all his idea. But then he saw ME in a stripped sailor outfit, and the rest is history.
Will: What vexes all men?
Translation: If I were a real man, I'd probably know this. Gosh why am I so stupid?!
Tia: What indeed.
Translation: Holy crap, how stupid are you!?!?! Do i have to get naked for you to get this?!?!
Gibbs: The sea?
Translation: Oh riddles! I love riddles! Makes me want to do sudoku.
Pintel: Sums.
Translation: This was a major part of my tragic childhood growing up a poor black child in Mississippi...
Ragetti: The dichotomy of good and evil?
Translation: Why do the writers constantly make me say words I dont understand?!
Jack: A woman.
Translation: I'm surrounded by idiots.
Tia: A woman! He fell in love.
Translation: I seduced him, big time. I am so good, sometimes I amaze even myself.
Gibbs: No I heard it was the sea he fell in love with.
Translation: Don't ask me how that works out, though...
Tia: Same story, different version and all are true. It was a woman, as changing, and harsh, and untamable as the sea. Him never stopped loving her. But the pain it caused him was too much to live with, but not enough to cause him to die.
Translation: I am the sea. Oh woops- thats not my line. ANyways, it was the funniest, most pathetic thing ever. I did some crazy things to him. This one time, we were drunk and I dared him to cut out his heart.
Will: What exactly did he put into the chest?
Translation: Did he do it?!?! (whips out a guitar and starts singing: dont tell my heart, my achy breaky heart)
Tia: Him heart.
Translation: Poor bastard totally took the dare.
Ragetti: Literally, or figuratively?
Translation: So, lets sum up. You're a man-eater. We should put you on MTV.
Pintel: He couldn't literally put his heart in a chest, could he?
Translation: I know I've been cursed and been undead and shot and all, but its just too much to believe that he took that dare.
Tia: It wasn't worth feeling what small, fleeting joy life brings and so, him carved out him heart, lock it away in a chest and hide it from de world. The key he keep with him at all times.
Translation: You underestimate how EMO this guy was. Why do I feel like we are saying "chest" a lot? Why do we all have a pre-occupation with breasts?
Will: You knew this.
Translation: Admit it, Jack. You've seen more of ELizabeth than I have.
Jack: I did not. I didn't know where the key was. But now we do. So all thats left is to climb aboard the dutchman, grab the key, go back to Port Royal and you can save your bonnie lass, hey!
Translation: No I have not! Not yet, anyways. But dont you see? We're doing the same thing we did in the first film! Awe! Its like a tradition now! You act dumb, I find answers, we go save ELizabeth, I trick you into thinking you've got the girl, and Liz and I sail off into the sunset!
Tia Dalma: Let me see your hand.
Translation: Why havent you been getting regular manicures??? I got you that membership card at the spa for a reason.
Jack: (holds out hand nervously)
Translation: Maybe I could play it off as hives.
Tia (unwraps the bandage) Why do I always end up undressing you to some degree?
Gibbs: Black Spot!!!!
Translation: I told Jack to stop going to the tanning bed, I knew he wasnt safe from skin cancer!!!
Pintel and Ragetti: Black spot!!!
Translation: Thats it, I'm buying SPF 45.
Jack: My eyesites as good as ever, so you know.
Translation: This has in no way affected my ability to be a man... if you know what I mean.
Tia: (goes into back room)
Translation: Where is my hand sanitizer? I just bought a big thing of purell.
Monkey sits by Barbossa's boots.
Translation: why are you guys so blind? These boots are so obvious.
Jack picks up Barbossa's hat.
Translation: As usual, I am ten steps ahead of everyone.
Tia: Davy Jones cannot make port. Cannot come on land but once every ten years. Land is where you are safe Jack Sparrow. And so you will carry with you.
Translation: My crystal ball and my black teeth tell me Davy has been on land recently. Maybe this is a hint that its time to settle down and get a picket fence and a dog, Jack.
Jack: Dirt. This is a jar of dirt.
Translation: I hope these aren't your uncles ashes.
Tia: Yes.
Translation: Oh crap... THATS what they are.
Jack: Is the jar of dirt going to help?
Translation: You really need to have a garage sale, Tia. Or maybe sell some things on ebay.
Tia: If you dont want it, give it back.
Translation: I like to keep old wierd stuff around. Like Barbossa.
Jack: No!
Translation: Maybe its magical dirt. Ooo! Maybe I can use it as a face mask for spa night with lizzie!
Tia: Then it helps.
Translation: Sorry doll, its just plain old dirt. There might be a worm or two in there though.
Will: It seems we have a need to find the flying dutchman.
Translation: Why are all my lines exposition? Grr....
Tia: A touch of destiny...
Translation: It was nice meeting ya, kid. Have fun in hell.
Originally posted by willofthewisp
PRISONER
Come here, boy... Want a nice,
juicy bone?
TRANSLATION: This bone is starting to look pretty tasty....JACK
You can keep doing that forever,
that dog's never going to move.
TRANSLATION: It only will if you have the Captain Jack touch, heh heh heh.
PRISONER
Excuse us if we ain't resigned
ourselves to the gallows just yet.
TRANSLATION: Some of us don't have our looks going for us like you.JACK (grins)
TRANSLATION: Man, I won't move either. Good thing they can't see what my hands are doing. That girl today was hot.EXT. FORT CHARLES - PARAPETS - NIGHT
A noose hangs from a gallows in the courtyard. Norrington
and Swann walk along the far wall.SWANN
Has my daughter given you an
answer yet?
TRANSLATION: Or is she already pregnant?NORRINGTON
No. She hasn't.
TRANSLATION: Good sign? Bad sign?SWANN
Well, she had a taxing day...
Ghastly weather tonight.TRANSLATION: As long as she and that pirate don't share a doomed kiss on the Black Pearl.
NORRINGTON
Bleak. Very bleak.
TRANSLATION: I bet they will share a kiss if I don't marry her in this one. Stiff upper lip, James.From the distance, there is a BOOM -
SWANN
What was that?
TRANSLATION: Ew, Norrington. Say excuse me next time.-- and then the WHISTLE of an incoming ball --
NORRINGTON
Cannon fire!
TRANSLATION: A fart joke? Gov, you really aren't funny.He tackles Swann as the wall of the parapet EXPLODES --
INT. CELL BLOCK - NIGHT
Jack sits up. There are more BOOMS -
JACK
I know those guns!
TRANSLATION: Anyone want to see my guns? I'm good at flexing.He peers out through the bars of the window. The other
prisoners crowd around their window as well.JACK (CONT'D)
It's the Black Pearl.
TRANSLATION: Daddy missed you, sweetheart, but he's coming! (makes kissy sounds)PRISONER
(frightened)
The Black Pearl? I've heard
stories ... she's been preying on
ships and settlements for near ten
years ... and never leaves any
survivors.
TRANSLATION: I don't really care. I just like scaring people.JACK
No survivors? Then where do the stories come from, I wonder?
TRANSLATION: Seriously, it kind of sucks being the smartest one in the movie.
you are HYSTERICAL. Oh gosh. as usual. the part between Swann and Norri was HILARIOUS. oh gosh.
i love this so much. LOL