Can Love and Sex be Separate?

Originally posted by dadudemon
Dude...sometimes...people really do change their ways and sometimes the cheating only happens once.

You have been cheated on, haven't you?

Too bad though...you seem like a really nice guy and that you would treat your woman right.

Originally posted by Adam_PoE
Do not be presumptuous.

Umm....no offense, but you and your boyfreind make plenty presumptions about me 😬

Originally posted by Adam_PoE
How one views sex is incidental. If you truly loved someone, then you would not want to hurt him through infidelity.

True, I wouldn't want to. But that is because I personally value sex as an expression of love, intimacy, at the very least intense attraction.

However, I could easily argue, using your own presented logic, that if you truly love someone you would never yell at them, or take out your anger on them.

We all know that's unrealistic. You will hurt the ones you love, some time in your life, because you are only human.

I do not hold on to anger. I beleive in Forgiveness, especially in the case where the person is suffering over what he did.

Originally posted by Adam_PoE
It means that he does not love you enough.

Really ? Maybe he has a rage problem. 😕

Maybe he has mental or emotional baggage that is too overwhelming for him to simply bottle up. Maybe he is hurt beyond simple repair, and needs special attention to tend his condition.

Maybe he is super sensitive, and cannot contain his hurt, and therefore would take anything I said or did the wrong way.

Maybe his fear of losing me is so great, that he tries to control me so I can never leave.

It's likely that the same person who abuses me would be heartbroken and shattered when I left him. It's possible that he may feel guilt for years after I leave.

I recall myself completely insulting and attacking someone I was infatuated with, in a fit of anger and impatience. I didn't see him after that, and was heartbroken and depressed for the two years that followed.

In his eyes, I probably didn't like him enough, or probably thought low of him. He may very well imagine that I may even have hated him, or took pleasure in harming him.

What he will never know is that I loved him more than I loved myself, to the point where it drove me insane. He was all I thought about for three years, and I would have done anything for him.

But, because of his behavior towards me (long story), my bottled up hurt and anger vented in one emotional moment, and that basically destroyed everything.

In his eyes, I didn't love him. I was mean and cruel, and not interested in his well being. His eyes never saw the truth.

Originally posted by Adam_PoE
It is not a gray issue; people do not live on good intentions. Imagine that your loved one has been struck by a car. That the driver did not intend to hurt your loved one does not change the fact that but for his actions, your loved one would not have been hurt.

So if a driver hits my loved one, that means the driver hated my loved one ? That means the driver wanted to hurt my loved one ?

You can hurt someone, without meaning to or realizing it, and it doesn't mean you don't love them. All I can conclude is that you either:

1) Haven't seriously dated many men

or

2) All the men you dated have been the same

Originally posted by Creshosk
I'm not a person who can have casual sex it's just not something that appeals to me.

But some people are. To some people, sex is just sex, and love is something else.

Originally posted by Goddess Kali
But some people are. To some people, sex is just sex, and love is something else.

So on a personal level the answer to the quesition is no, I can't. I realize its a royal form of the word and its possible for people to. But I just can't.

Originally posted by Goddess Kali
However, I could easily argue, using your own presented logic, that if you truly love someone you would never yell at them, or take out your anger on them.

We all know that's unrealistic. You will hurt the ones you love, some time in your life, because you are only human.

Its usually why one offencse is more forgivable than another.

In any case you'd never want to tintentionally hurt them.... unless they were a masochist...

Originally posted by Goddess Kali
And who are you to say that ?

Since when is cheating on someone the worst thing you can do to them ? Yeah its pretty rotten, and it hurts, but there are far worse things.

IF a person cheats on you, and then tells you that they don't feel the same about you anymore, then yes, move on.

If a person cheats on you, but then cries in apology, and constantly calls you afterwards, try to find out why they did it.....don't just conclude that you "know who they really are" and try to define thier emotions.

It depends on the person. Everyone is different. Let's say my boyfreind is in another state for like a year, cuz of school, and i dont get to see him for a lil over a year, guess what..im gonna get REALLLY REALLY RAELLLLLLY horny and lonely.

I may not go as far as to have anal sex with another guy, but its very likely that i will be intimate or flirty with another available guy. Atleast until my boyfreind returns, and i just bet it'd be the same for him.

I would have used the guy for one time, and then disregard him once my bf returns..

Okay that's a horrible example lol

But the point is constistancy is important. You have to be together a lot for the relationship to stay strong. Distance, whether physical or emotional, is one of the many deterrents to any relationship, no matter how loving.

Do you ever watch porn when ur gf is not around ? Do you ever fantasize about another girl, atleast ONCE in a while, even when you are not single ?

OFcourse you do ! Does that mean you don't Love your girlfreind ?

If you truly love someone, and you are secure that they truly love you back, and you are secure with yourself, and have a good self discipline, then yes you wont cheat on them.

But I have asked you before...

If I abandon a boyfreind because he has repeatedly hurt me beyond reason, does that mean I never loved him ?

so if your BF was gone and you got horny, you would cheat on them? wow...what a weak willed individual you are.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
cheating is the worst thing you can do to your partner, period. once they betray your trust, the damage is done.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
so if your BF was gone and you got horny, you would cheat on them? wow...what a weak willed individual you are.

Actions speak louder than words sometimes. and that's certainly what I'd feel like I was saying in that scenerio. 🙁

Originally posted by Creshosk
Cheating's pretty bad. but there are technically things that are worse usually those involve breaking laws, but there are subtle more psychological things you can do to damage a person that doesn't involve cheating on them.

"You weren't worth waiting for so I went out and just grabbed someone from off the street, they're just as good as you(you're not special)."

Actions speak louder than words sometimes. and that's certainly what I'd feel like I was saying in that scenerio. 🙁

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
Like cheating on them and the whole time telling you that you want to fix the problems in the relationship? stringing you along giving you false hope while the whole time they are seeking comfort in the arms of another? when they do this, they are trying to have their cake (their partner) and eat it too(their cohort in infedility.) when they do this, they are nothing more than skanks.

Even worse if you are right there at home waiting on them, or at work, while they are out cheating on you. "No, I promise you they are just my friend!!!!" PLEASE.......

Originally posted by Creshosk
Hmm... Did this happen to you?

Can love and sex be separate?

Yes, of course they can be. Sex is a physical act, you don't have to feel any particular emotions for your partner. I think on that one we are all clear.

Can you be in love with one person, and still have sex with another, and still love that other person fully?

That's an odd question. For one I am not sure what constitutes as loving someone "fully". I think you can love and deeply care for someone and still have sex with other people yeah. It is hypothetically possible, I guess many people can not separate those two so that for them it means that they don't love the person they are with as much. But I think it can be separate and might even improve relationships on the whole if it was more accepted.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Yes, of course they can be. Sex is a physical act, you don't have to feel any particular emotions for your partner. I think on that one we are all clear.

That's an odd question. For one I am not sure what constitutes as loving someone "fully". I think you can love and deeply care for someone and still have sex with other people yeah. It is hypothetically possible, I guess many people can not separate those two so that for them it means that they don't love the person they are with as much. But I think it can be separate and might even improve relationships on the whole if it was more accepted.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
listen to what you are saying. you are saying that it would be OK for another man to please your woman.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Yes, I can read, thank you.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
and you would be fine with this. tell me you are joking. you would be fine with her going out, screwing some other guy, then coming back home to you.

If she loves me. Of course fair is fair and I should probably be allowed to do the same.
But I figure that has to be discussed in the terms of this particular relationship contract.

Just because everyone assumes the standard, doesn't mean that there aren't alternatives.

Originally posted by Bardock42
I think so, yes.

If she loves me. Of course fair is fair and I should probably be allowed to do the same.
But I figure that has to be discussed in the terms of this particular relationship contract.

Just because everyone assumes the standard, doesn't mean that there aren't alternatives.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
thats not a committed relationship. thats sleeping around, B. thats her not being satisfied with the sex you provide her, or vice versa.

Well strictly speaking there are people with very liberal, "open" relationships. I would assume the people in them have an understanding and the nonexclusive nature of the physical side of the relationship works for them.

Now speaking personally that wouldn't work for me since my concepts of a personal relationship include a degree of exclusive commitment. I couldn't cheat on a partner and it would probably be it if a partner cheated on me because of my values in a relationship.

But at the same time I realise not everybody is the same. I don't think it is as easy as saying "thats not a committed relationship" since a relationship exists on more then a sexual level and some people might not put quite the same emphasis on sexual exclusivity.

Then there are things like threesomes and the so called "swingers" that apparently committed couples participate in, one assumes because in those cases they manage to separate trust, commitment and sex from one another. For them, so I've heard, the experience involving other people actually heightens their own happiness with their actual partner, adds to that side of the relationship. The minority perhaps, but they shouldn't be dismissed or their relationships somehow considered lesser.

Originally posted by Imperial_Samura
Well strictly speaking there are people with very liberal, "open" relationships. I would assume the people in them have an understanding and the nonexclusive nature of the physical side of the relationship works for them.

Now speaking personally that wouldn't work for me since my concepts of a personal relationship include a degree of exclusive commitment. I couldn't cheat on a partner and it would probably be it if a partner cheated on me because of my values in a relationship.

But at the same time I realise not everybody is the same. I don't think it is as easy as saying "thats not a committed relationship" since a relationship exists on more then a sexual level and some people might not put quite the same emphasis on sexual exclusivity.

Then there are things like threesomes and the so called "swingers" that apparently committed couples participate in, one assumes because in those cases they manage to separate trust, commitment and sex from one another. For them, so I've heard, the experience involving other people actually heightens their own happiness with their actual partner, adds to that side of the relationship. The minority perhaps, but they shouldn't be dismissed or their relationships somehow considered lesser.

It's bullshit, but I guess feasible.

Originally posted by Rogue Jedi
thats not a committed relationship. thats sleeping around, B. thats her not being satisfied with the sex you provide her, or vice versa.

That's like you saying I love apple pie so much I will never eat cheesecake again.

If you want to try other stuff why not. I'd rather have her **** a guy and come home to cuddle and talk with me than the other way around.

Originally posted by Bardock42
Nonsense.

That's like you saying I love apple pie so much I will never eat cheesecake again.

If you want to try other stuff why not. I'd rather have her **** a guy and come home to cuddle and talk with me than the other way around.

and comparing a relationship to food is a piss poor analogy.