Friendship between women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship between men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
Three men, one German, one Japanese and a Redneck were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager," he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."
The Redneck felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.
The Redneck finally said ------ "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."
There were 2 men out hunting in the woods and they came upon a large hole in the ground. They could not see the bottom of the hole and were trying to determine how deep it was. They looked around and saw an old car transmission where someone had disposed of it in the woods.
"Let's throw this old tranny in the hole and see how deep it is."
They both struggled and tossed the transmission into the hole, but they never heard it hit bottom. About that time a Hunting Dog came running as fast as it could and dove head first into the hole. They both looked at each other bewildered, wondering what had just happened.
About that time another hunter came running up and asked if the 2 had seen his dog.
"Well as a matter of fact we have. He came running as fast as he could and dove head first into this deep hole in the ground."
The man looking for his dog said "That's impossible, I tied him real tight to an old tranny."
A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali under a tree. A caterpillar gets on the Romanian's shoulder. The Romanian throws the caterpillar at the Jew, the Jew throws the caterpillar at the Somali, the Somali picks up the caterpillar and eats it. Another caterpillar gets on the Romanian, the Romanian throws it at the Jew, the Jew picks it up and ask the Somali: "Do you want to buy a caterpillar?"
So there's a boy and a girl that are playing in a sand box together. They both get sand in their pants and its really uncomfortable, so they both take them off.
"Whats that?" says the boy
"I don't know; whats that?" says the girl
"I don't know"
So they both go back to their parents and ask them about it
The boys father says, "That's your car, always park it in a woman's garage"
The girl's mother says, "That's your garage never let a boy park his car there"
So the next day they go back to the sandbox. They play in it and get sand down their pants again, and so they take them off (again). Ten minutes later, the girl comes home with her hands bloodied.
Her mother says, "Susie, what happened?"
Susie said, "Johnny tried to put his car in my garage, so I ripped his wheels off!"