Ok I have one! THere are 2 guys standing outside of a bar....The first guy tells the other guy, "I know my wife is in there, with her lover and I want you to go in there and drag her out. She has brown hair, blue eyes, and is wearing a red dress. Go get her!". So the second guy goes in the bar and he comes back out with a girl, beating her, only the girl has black hair, green eyes and is wearing a blue dress. The first guy procalims,"What are you doing! THis isn't my wife!", and the second guy cries," I know, SHE'S MY WIFE!"~
my dad heard this from a patient:
there are some people in a building having drinks. this lady is sitting near the window next to a man. she sees him take a sip of his drink, stands up and jumps out the window. she watches him fly around a couple of times then he comes back in. takes another sip and flys around. amazed by this, she asks him "where can i get some of that?" referring to the drink. he points to the bar. so, she buys one and jumps out the window. but ends up falling four floors the ground. the man goes and sits down at the bar. the bartender says: "gosh! you are such a jerk superman!"
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Are part time band leaders semi-conductors?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup. The doctor asked
him how he was feeling. "I've never been better," he replied. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment then said, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who's an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But, one day he was in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun. So he was walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly he spotted a beaver in some brush in front of him. He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the beaver and squeezed the handle. *BAM* The beaver dropped dead in front of him."
"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief, "Someone else must have shot that beaver."
"Exactly!"
i have a million jokes but half of them r rascits so i dont think that i would be liked to much on this site if i made fun of any ones race. but i will leave u with this one i am irsh so i can say it. how many irsh guys does it take to screw in a light bulb??? 30 one to hold the light buln into the sucket and 29 of them to drink till the room spins. ok here is one more. whats the differnec between a pair of pants and a ethiopian and a pair of pants??? a pair of pants only has one fly on them.
A German, a French and a Redneck are set to be exicuted for some crime against their country. But during there life they were repected. So they are offered a choice of death; shot, hanged or being injected with A.I.D.S.
German: Shoort ME! I wourld likre to feerl whart the Jews ferlt.
BANG dies on the spot
French: Hang moi. Je would like to honer les "patriotes"
SNAP his neck breaks from the fall and he dies on the spot.
Redneck: Ya, injectme with some of dat A.I.D.S. stuff.
They inject him, he then starts laughing like no1 before.
Redneck: MORE!
They give him some more. He is laughing soo much he falls on the ground.
Redneck: AGAIN!!!
They inject him again, he is in tears and pisses in his pants.
Redneck: YOU GUYS ARE SOO STUPID! I AM WEARING A CONDOM!!!