Remake of the Trilogy {KMC style}

Since the forum's been gloomy this past month, let's start sauron's "Great KMC Spoof" again the right way, I noticed alot of people were confused what a 'spoof' was.

A spoof is a little archive making fun of something. In this case, Lord of the Rings! 😄

So here's what you do here:
-Act aso though you're an edittor and you have to edit every scene from the movies to make it funnier.
-This does not include extended scenes.
-We can talk about how the spoof is going in Tig Party, unless anyone has any objections.

I shall start 🙂

Galadriel voice-over black screen:

"The world's all changed...
I can see it in the Earth...
I can smell it in the water...
I can feel it in the air...
I can do lots of things! For I am a Noldor, but you're not supposed to know that til 2 hours into this movie, so forget I said anything.

*cough* god damn what's up with all this smoke...

Well anyways...where was I?

Hmm ah! Alot of things that were were like forgotten and like everyone lost it...I'm not sure what, but ya know, I'm kinda like reading off a script so...work with me here. Yeah and like I have to say no one who's livin' is supposed to remember...but like, that's wrong because like I'm here and I remember it...and like I'm alive and all...

(also can i add stereotyping,adding things that never really happened but probably could have and exagerating always equal laughs)

cont.

like this thing is totally wrong, i mean hello there, babes, work with me.

It began with the forging of the great rings, when i say great, i mean great this is no gucci/tiffany rock, these are custom made bay-bay

annuwho sauron made rings for everyone, very nice man, but he held out on us bro! he had a totally more bling piece of...bling....

well, nobody decieves an elf when it comes to fashion, so we took our pets, the smaller, uglier men, to ask sauron for better rings

well somewhere down the line there must have been a breakup, because there was one hell of a cat fight *scene of elves throwing stilletos at orcs* *doing swirly attack with handbags*

well aparently this break up was with isildur and sauron, they were enaged, and isildur called it off, but sauron wouldnt take no for an answer.....he actually refused to give back the ring, so isildur chopped it off......now is that one bad-boy or what, pity he died (scene of isildur being jumped on by a grand total of three orcs)

anyways im draggin on now, so il leave you babes with this, bilbo gets the ring (sound of phone hanging up)

Bilbo writes on piece of paper...

"Dear....Sweet...Lobelia...Why must you marry my idiot of cousin, Otho? I am not good enough for thee? If thee want all my riches, come and marry me."

Bilbo: Hmm now who shall I send to give this to her...

FRODO!!!!!

FROOOODO!!

stupid boy! where is he

(scene of frodo in field reading)

the roooad goes ever on and ooon

frodo gets up and looks rather strange....he runs to the side of the road,

your late! even though i didnt know you were coming because i later say im so glad to see you, but anyway this way lets me laugh at least once in the trilogy

cont.

And before later where I see you again but then I have to have a slow mo crying out "Gaaaaandaaaaaalf" which I must say, I look gay.

gandalf: do i know you

frodo: its me frodo!

gandalf: nope, never heard of you, but your cute, get in the cart

frodo: uncle bilbo says i should never get into a strangers cart

gandalf: i have carrots

frodo: ok 😄

*he jumps in, gandalf catches him in his arms*

gandalf: thats the way *leers*

frodo: whats that..?

gandalf: oh...thats my erm.....staff

frodo: but your stafs there....

gandalf: time to get out now!

frodo: sorry, not my stop yet

gandalf: ok you can stay

*lots of hobbit kids*

kids: gandalf gandalf your not supposed to have been in the shire for about 50 years yet us small six year old children know you by sight! gandalf

gandalf: pesky kids, take this *sets off fieworks*

hobbit kid number 5: OW! my eye! god it burns

frodo: no! im going to have to alert the shirrif

gandalf: *pushes frodo out of moving vehicle*

Frodo: Gah! Damn you old son of a *****
You didn't have any carrots!

Gandalf: *turning around sticking a tongue out* Don't believe everything you hear! Besides, you got a free ride, ge thankful or I'll stomp on you!

frodo: Ge thankfull?? GE!!!???? put your false teeth in *****!

(BAG END)

gandalf: *knocks*

bilbo: GO AWAY, NO RELATIVES WELL WISHERS POSTMEN POSTWOMEN NOBODY!

gandalf: what about very old friends

bilbo: NO! ESPECIALLY NOT!!

Gandalf: *cough* *deep voice* mr. Baggins, that bride you ordered from thailand is here

*door is immedietly opened*

Bilbo: *frowns* You sly bastard..

Gandalf: Yes I know.

Bilbo: Should I slam the door on your or torture you with my tiny home?

Gandalf: *prepares to say something*

Bilbo: *slam*

Gandalf: now how am i going to get in....oh yes! bilbo only has his windows facing the west.....now, which was is west....oh yes, the opposite of that giant shadow thing

*breaks into bilbos house*

*alarm goes off*

sackville baginsess: THE ALARM! HE MUST BE IN THERE

bilbo: gandalf you bastard!

*alarm alerts the shirrif, he and forty armed guards surround bag end*

shirrif: come out, with your hands up

gandalf: walks too door,

bilbo: NO! if you go out they sacks will know im here!

lobellia: your alarm is ringin, i know your in there

shirrif: ONCE MORE! COME OUT

gandalf: *openes door*

shirrif and lobellia: who are you!? wheres bilbo??

gandalf: well bilbos righ......*sees bilbo shaking his head and mouthing the words 'no' over and over* oh, hes erm...out

lobellia: so why are YOU in his house,, which SHOULD be our house

gandalf: well, its not a house really is it...

otho: dont you ignore my wife! why!

gandalf: erm...im here because.....im.......erm.....a burglar, yes thats it!

shirrif: a burglar ey!! *him and guards advance toward gandalf*

gandalf: *pulls out staff, smashes bilbos chandelier*

bilbo: you dick! *jumps on gandalf*

lobellia: bilbo, so you are here

bilbo: erm....yes, im.....helping this man...burgle

lobellia: your own home!?

bilbo: yes

gandalf: yes

shirrif: INSURANCE SCAM THEN IS IT!

*Bilbo and Gandalf look at each other*

Bilbo: *whispering* Give 'em the ol' Jedi whammy!

Gandalf: What?

Bilbo: You mean you can't do it?

Gandalf: Do what?

Bilbo: *glares*

Gandalf: Alright Alright. *everyone goes into a daze* Happy?

Bilbo: Yes very, now get inside, quick!

*knock, knock*

bilbo: there is a knocking, a constant knocking on my chamber door

*kncoking stops*

gandafl: nevermore

shirrif: OPEN THE DOOR, WE HAVE reASON TO BELIEVE YOU ARE HARBOURING A KNOWN CRIMINAL, 'THE DISTURBER OF THE PEACE'

*gandalf opens door*

shirrif: book em boys

gandalf: *lifts up hand* i am not the one you are looking for

guards: you are not the one we are looking for

gandalf: we are sorry

guard: we are sorry

gandalf: you are very sexy mr gandalf, may i have your number

guards: even the force wont go that far

Gandalf: *sighs* Uh....

Bilbo: *hoarsely* Send them away Gandaalf!!!!!!

Gandalf: Why? I'm having just so much fun.

Bilbo: *glares*

Gandalf: Alright Alright! Be gone!

Guards: ......

Gandalf: ....That means poof! Go bye bye!

Guards: *poof*

Lobelia: Hi Sexy Mr. Gandalf, can I get a number?

gandalf: i thought the force couldnt do that

lobellia: force?? *look confused*

gandalf: 😱 !!!!

bilbo: *slams door*

gandalf: aww, anyway bilbs im here for a reason, well, im not really....but i will have a reason soon

bilbo: what?

gandalf: never you mind, you as the owner of the ring for 60 years dont have the right to know i intend to destroy it

bilbo: what!

gandalf: shit.....*changes subject* nice...maps

bilbo: oh, yeah...the lonely mountain, i want to go there, see mountains!

gandalf: mountainS well, it cant be too lonely then....so you are leaving then??

bilbo: well, apparently.....and i will have my little joke

gandalf: its not a joke, its not funny!!

bilbo: they will laugh

gandalf: bet you the ring they dont

bilbo: your on

((gandalf and bilbo sitting smoking their pipes))

bilbo: look gandalf! ive been pacticing for 60 years to make a circly bubble thing with my smoke! aint it amazing i havent died from lung cancer yet?!?!

Gandalf: But 'til then! A old whiff of Longbottom Leaf...

Bilbo: Em....I'm all out.

Gandalf: You smoke too much.

Bilbo: Looks who's talking.

Gandalf: I start chewing.

Bilbo: No such thing!

Gandalf: I am a wizard! A wizard always has...something.

Bilbo: Okay that made no sense.

Gandalf: Ya I know. Blame the mod and his modiness.

Bilbo: What?

Gandalf: Mod and his modiness.

Bilbo: ....The love for the half-ling's leaf has clearly slowed his mind.

bilbo: look gandalf, i can smoke ring...i so want to impress you

gandalf: thats so pathetic, *makes a ship*

bilbo: this is going to be a night to remember

gandalf: it sure is, lobellias coming over!

bilbo: i mean for us

gandalf: WHY< BILBO ITs so...sudden

bilbo: i mean at the party

gandalf:...of...course....i knew that!

Bilbo: I rest my case, don't burn yourself with the fireworks now.

Gandalf: Whatever made you think that?

Bilbo: Well the big red mark on your neck is a clue.

Gandalf: That's not a burn that's called a hi-

Bilbo: I don't wanna know.

bilbo: [looks slyly at gandalf while winking]"gandalf, my friend...this will be a night to remember...".[smiles]

Gandalf: [gets realy excited] "*smiles**runs in house*

bilbo:..."where are you going?! i'm talking about my party...its my birthday or something...no its Frodo's...or mine ..can't remember

Gandalf:..*comes back disapointed*..."i thought..n/m"

*fireworks erupt*

ygandalf: then i would tale to saruman then

bilbo: eurgh!

(scene cuts to sky)

*BOOOOOOOM*

audience: aaah hobbiton is dead! noooooo

hobbits: hahahaha fireworks!

gandalf: *chuckles* butterflies!

*little boom, butterflies appear*

hobbit child 5: aah my eye! AGAIN! WHY ME ILUVATAR WHY!!!!!

other children: hahahaha *throw cocktail sausages at him*

bilbo: hey, thats my party food! merry and pippin stol....bought that from maggot! where ARE they

gandalf: *hears 'oh merry this is good' 'it sure is pip' 'giggles' from inside tent* ok...walk away....walk...*before he knows what is happening he has ran into the tent* *sees them with firework* *BOOOOOM*

hobbits* whoah!

firework: wheeeeeeeeEEERRRRAAAAHHHHHHGGGGGRRRRGGGHHHH *dragon*

hobbits: SHIT

frodo: BILBO!

sam: now mr frodo i know hes old, but hes ahrdly a dragon